Friday 29 March (Good Friday)
It’s Good Friday, pals. I’m going to finish and hand in my assessment and then do some reading as well. I’ve felt so much better the last week or two. Not recovered, but able to do more than I have been doing. It’s been so strange and I admit I am ‘touching wood’ because I’m scared … no, I am terrified that my health will get worse again. In the meantime I am tip-toeing about and doing more of the things I like to do.
I’m going to work on some craft projects this long weekend, for instance. I haven’t really been able to do much crafting at all for the last couple of years due to extreme joint and muscle pain, plus exhaustion all the time. I’m excited to try and dip back in a bit more wholeheartedly because I have things to finish and new things to start! Two projects in particular are heading up the queue. One is a blanket for a very patient friend/reader and another is a project for my eldest – a belated birthday present I’ve been chipping away at. I’m hoping I can get both done in the next couple of weeks if my health stays like this and the pain stays mild rather than acute. Fingers, toes and eyes crossed, pals!
It’s so scary being ill all the time, as I have been for the last two years plus. Life as you know it disappears, the world becomes very small and you feel very isolated and out of touch … and helpless and unlike yourself, really … Even when being proactive about healthcare and rest and feel-better things. It’s also incredibly boring thinking about yourself and trying to optimise your health all the time. It’s completely unnatural to be so self-focused. And then, when things start to improve, it’s anxiety-causing because you don’t know if it’s a permanent improvement (and cause for a gentle celebration) or just a good patch. And the idea of allowing yourself to think of a fuller life feels scary, in case it all goes away again. Does that make sense? I have ME/CFS (a post viral illness likely triggered by one of several bouts of pneumonia and shingles) and inflammatory arthritis along with some stupid spinal issues, which means I’ve been feeling extreme fatigue and nearly all-over-the-body pain all the gosh darned time.
There have been a bunch of other challenges during those couple of years, too; we needed to return from Tassie unexpectedly in late 2021. Then Cam got very ill with MND and died, right before our eyes, and then my dad died, and then my nephew died, and then my sister-in-law died, and also my beloved cat, Olive, died. All those losses were over the final six months of 2022, and of course it’s not just ME that was dealing with them, but my poor kids and family too. It was a lot for everyone and at times I wasn’t sure the survivors would all make it through … (we did though! Thank goodness.)
While all that was going on, I was limping along, trying to study and get my degree (mostly from my sickbed!) so I had something to show for those sick and pandemic-y and griefy years*. When I think about those days, even a tiny bit … how they impacted me and even more so how my kids were impacted … It still makes me cry. Sometimes the things that happen to us are just too much to manage, you know? Sometimes we can’t help but fall in a heap. I think it’s important to note that.
When I wrote When Life is Not Peachy, I thought I’d drawn a line under my proximate difficult days … but the truth was they had only just begun. Thank goodness I didn’t know what was ahead. All that said, I feel like I might be mending – physically at least – at last. Maybe I am going to keep feeling better, as I have over the last couple of weeks? Maybe? Please! I write about all this partly to have a record of it somewhere, partly because some people are reading again after time away and don’t know, but mostly because someone reading might be having a terrible time and be feeling unsure about where to from there. I am proof that you can endure and get through the tough times (as are my kids) and my message to the other darkness dwellers is to wait it out because things won’t always be the way they are right now. You don’t have to get used to the dark. Everything changes, eventually. (Sorry if this bit feels like a whinge! Maybe it is! I’m ok with that!)
The smoky beans and Irish rolls we had for dinner last night (Thursday) were so good. I wrote about those here, in case you want to see those and/or make them too. The rolls in particular were a highlight … but actually the beans were just as good. Next time I will use soaked dried beans and double the recipe because it made enough for two hungry people with a little left over. I like to have a robust amount of leftovers to save time and energy, so the double up will do that.
This a.m. I’ve been drinking tea and trying to liven up. I’ve just read this piece in The Guardian about Helen Rebanks and her new book. You might like it too? It talks about farming, but also about the structures of tradition and expectation within families, the daily quest for comfort and security, the roles women play in all of this. An excellent read. I am desperate to read her book now. If you know me you know ‘land memoirs’ are my cup of tea. When I was having particularly desolate days after my separation I read a bunch of them and they really bolstered my mood and gave me a much-needed dose of hope. It’s something about women enduring difficulty, recalibrating and finding a new way of being that makes these books extra-special, I think. Helen’s husband had a bit of a smash hit with his book around a decade ago, perhaps you remember?
I’m kind of lamenting the fact that I didn’t make Hot Cross Buns for today. Perhaps it’s not too late? I might nip to the IGA and get some ingredients, so as to have an Eastery project for the day. Or I could make do with what I have? And make chocolate chip buns? I will ruminate on this while I make my coffee … It’s probably a good idea to make do, but I do FULLY fancy the fruity fragrance of HCBs!
Getting Dressed: It’s going to be hot today so … Leggings (always leggings with me!) and a cheapie Zanzea cotton floral dress – this one – from a couple of years ago with my usual blue Birkenstocks. Perfume – this one which I bought when I was in Tassie and one of my books was selling particularly well!
Friday afternoon
People … I made the Hot Cross Buns! They turned out great (although I had the oven on a bit too high and they were a bit more scorched than I’d planned on) and I ate two immediately. They were delicious – very browned tops and all! I used this Australian Women’s Weekly recipe and it worked perfectly, in case you want to make buns too (or bookmark for next year!) The recipe does say to use a small piping nozzle when you pipe on the crosses, which I did. But looking at them now, I wish I’d used a big nozzle. BIG CROSSES would have looked cuter.
images above: Hot Cross Buns … just a wee bit overdone but I did not mind!
Also? I finished my assessment and handed it in, so I can breathe a little bit easier re that. I think I did okay. It was a critical analysis of a piece of non-fiction writing by Rosamunde Pilcher. She was explaining the tricks of writing emotion into fiction – and feeling emotions when reading fiction. So that was super interesting to consider. I have a ridiculously helpful and motivated Honours coordinator and he’s helping us all so much with our work. It’s a revelation after going it alone much of the time with study for the last 18 months or so.
Dinner will be chicken and vegetable pot pie made with this TikTok recipe in mind. It’s in the oven now and was super easy to make. I’ll report back when I’ve tasted it …
… Reader? The pie was so good!! I had it with tomato sauce and it was a delicious end to the day. Took all of ten minutes to prep and then 35 minutes in the oven. Brilliant. If you are a vegetarian you could make it with no chicken and more veggies. It’d be brilliant. The pastry top looks so nice, too! You just cut shop bought puff pastry sheets into squares and layer them all about the place, then brush with egg wash. (I also added sesame seeds because why not?!) This is a simple one-pan idea to riff off and you could vary the fillings – a tomatoey stock-instead-of-milk version, for instance? yesterday’s curry reinvented for today? Pumpkin and chickpea with some silverbeet and veggie stock instead of the milk? The choice is yours!
images above: My kind of before and after: TikTok chicken pot pie …
I’m going to finish the day with a couple of episodes of All Creatures Great and Small. Mrs Hall and Helen are my favourites. And I just love all the making of tea and scones and sitting down to breakfast together and clattery cutlery on pretty plates and rugging up in gorgeous knits. I’m up to season four (on Amazon Prime.) I just watched the one where they played Ferret Roulette which is a totally new-to-me concept. You do it in a Yorkshire pub with a couple of ales at your elbow, apparently. Who. Even. Knew?!
Good things
Such a treat to read people’s responses to this Ladybird illustration (and about the Ladybird Books exhibition in Bath.)
Roald Dahl wrote his books in the lap of non-luxury. Literally.
Well this book – Sharp Notions – looks like our cup of tea.
Beyonce did a cover of The Beatles’ Blackbird. It’s my favourite Beatles song.
Akea Brionne’s tapestries are incredible.
This A Cup of Jo post about cute things was heartwarming.
We need more of this about the place … on trams and things.
How great are these photos of Sarah Jessica Parker in the eighties?
Mrs Pym’s Day Out looks excellent. I’m going to watch it this weekend. Found via Miranda Mills.
The Paris Waiter’s Race!
A Midsomer Murders podcast has just launched.
* I did it, reader! I got my degree! I did well but gosh I could have done super-dooper well if I hadn’t had such a rough trot.
Saturday 30 March
Ugh. I woke up not feeling great in a number of ways, but I’m going to assume it’s just early morning creakiness and that it will improve with plenty of tea and some paracetamol and some toast. Fingers crossed, pals.
I made savoury toast for breakfast and drank two cups of tea while I messed about on my Feedly reader and found out about various new and interesting things.
It’s cloudy here and still lovely and cool. The day is meant to get quite hot, but for now it’s the sort of day that’s perfect for me. A flock of galahs just sailed over the house. The window is open so the pups and I got nearly the full force of their chorus and let me tell you it was unbridled.
I have been listening to The Secret Garden audiobook when I’m out in the car. It was a favourite of mine as a child and I’ve read it during adulthood a couple of times. These autumn days have me going back to it again in audio form because it’s a) filled with beautiful nature details and b) an interesting text to consider in these not-quite-post-colonial times. Also? The parallels with the Bronte sisters’ writing are more apparent to me now. All that wuthering, moor talk and mysterious people shut up in rooms … (I’m listening on Spotify.) If you decide to listen, please note that there are expressions of racism within this text.
images above: Photos of soil with tiny shoots peeping through!
I think I’ll pull out the tomatoes today and plant something new there … I think. Or I could wait until after Easter, when the shops have calmed down and I can buy seedlings and garden soil in peace. I will ponder this as I get dressed …
Getting dressed: an H&M floral maxi dress (bought when we were living in Tassie – its the long sleeved version of the one shown at the top of this page), leggings (!) and Birkenstocks.
I picked Rin up and we went to Fresh on Young to get some veggies for both our households (mine haul was: Dutch cream potatoes, some Granny Smiths, a bunch of rhubarb, two big pieces of Jap pumpkin and a bunch of thyme)… then we did a quick op shop trip and I dropped her back home. I did a quick nip inside to say hello to her very adorable cats Nancy and Tony (Tony is the stray kitten I took home, in case you remember that!) Tony is the softest cat that you would ever pat and the most affectionate too. And Nancy is like the cat version of a teddy bear and Rin told me that she eats her dinner on top of the fridge (Nancy, that is) so that Tony doesn’t steal it all. Ex-strays can be like that, can’t they? Super hungry all the time, poor things. It’s that scarcity mindset, I guess. My tuxedo rescue cat Bruno is exactly the same. He’s a former street cat with a nibble or two out of his ear to show for it.
On the way back from Rin’s I grabbed a half leg of lamb from ALDI to sling in the oven later this afternoon. I’m going to make an apple and rhubarb crumble too. The pumpkin will be for pumpkin soup, likely for Monday dinner. It just looked so good and orange, I could not resist. And only $1.98 a kilo, pals!
Now I’m home and feeling increasingly crappy – worse than this morning – so I will have a very quiet rest-of-the-day and hopefully tomorrow will be better. The tomatoes can wait for another day.
images above: Top – Old tarot cards from the op shop and Bottom L/ Present for Gemma and chocolate bunny R/ Simple Abundance book, The Secret Garden book, chocolate bunny and Winnie the Pooh Postcard book from the op shop
This post’s op shopped book is …
images above: Spreads from the op-shopped book A Week in The Kitchen by Karen Dudley (published in 2012) … The Kitchen looks like such an ace café. Its owner – and this book’s author – Karen Dudley has a website full of good stuff here. She’s also written another book since this one. It’s called Onwards.
Sunday 31st March
Last night I started re-watching an old favourite on Amazon Prime – the charming and addictive Lark Rise to Candleford (based on the book of the same name.) It’s got a sterling cast and is exactly the type of comfort-viewing I felt like. Perhaps you feel like something cosy and charming too?
I’m still not feeling very well. Darn it. All the usual MC/CFS symptoms are back with a vengeance, so I’ll have as quiet a day as I can without cancelling my first visit-to-a-friend this year. She’s a good friend, anyway. She knows that I might not stay long and that I will be feeling peaky. I don’t want to miss out on seeing her and her very clever and kind little boy. A long time ago I bought her this book so we could have matching copies. It’s a kind of literary/scribbly touchstone in our friendship now. “Living on the Earth!”
(I should tell you that last night’s lamb dinner was very delicious, although I didn’t make the crumble in the end. Perhaps today?)
This morning I’ve been watching The Fish Doorbell live feed while drinking my tea. I haven’t seen a fish yet, but when I do I’m going to let them in. I am. Even when there are no fish in the feed, it’s strangely relaxing to watch ..! (Found via Kottke.)
images above: left/ Claude Monet rose and right/ slow roasted lamb with roasted potatoes and veggies
And then I made some Promite on toast and a coffee, watched some things on YouTube (this and this) and then ventured out to water the garden. Excitingly, the snow peas and silverbeet shoots are starting to peep through! No sign of the sweet peas yet, but I know they will not be far away. So just like that, the new garden bed has taken on its own life and every day it will be doing a different thing with me following along behind. It makes the days so much nicer, I think, when you can follow along with the greenery and notice the changes that are happening. My along-the-side fence flower bed is coming along slowly but surely. The seedlings are established and the cosmos seeds I threw in are coming up. The dogs keep weaving in and out between the plants which is clever, but they’re not as careful as they think they are. Hopefully when things are a bit bigger the pups will cease and desist. There’s a second lot of flowers coming out on my potted Claude Monet rose. And my new rose – the one I bought for my birthday – has two big buds that look almost ready to burst open. I can’t wait to see what they smell like!
Getting dressed: A cheapie Kmart dress, leggings, khaki Saltwater sandals bought years ago.
More Good Things
The return of the snug. I’m clearly here for it.
The most re-watchable movies of all time (according to regular people!)
The last crimes of Caravaggio. Spoiler: he was a hooligan.
A rhubarb and pistachio loaf that dreams are made of.
(Scroll down a bit to see …) … the gorgeous Connecticut farmhouse of Gladys Taber.
This Sharon Horgan-narrated short film is interesting. (And WOW re women’s representation in film.)
… as is this short film about artist Emma Tweedie.
This is such a beautiful garden! (below, also!)
On Sunday afternoon I finally got to visit Gemma for the first time in a few years. I have not been able to pop in for a while, because I had been too sick. But I was determined to go today and that was a total treat. A couple of hours with friends is a luxury, don’t you think? Especially when it’s been off the cards for so long. Hopefully I will keep improving and I can do some more of my old life things soon enough. Please.
Gemma has inspired me to look for a chair for my living room … to create a little bit of a cosy perch for myself. She has her own cute spot to settle in at her house, and I quite fancy something like that myself. Because I’ve been unwell I haven’t really used our living room much in the two years we’ve been here. But now that I’m up and about more, I realise that the couch we have – the old velvety gold one we bought years and years ago – is so old and broken now that it’s uncomfortable. We need to update and get the living room measuring up nicely to its name. Something will appear at the right moment, I think. That’s the way with couches and chairs … for me at least.
Dinner tonight will be leftovers – cold sliced lamb, cold roasted potatoes, a spoonful of relish, some tomatoes from the garden, a slice or two of bread. Perfect.
What have you been up to this weekend, dear reader?
xoxo Pip
image above: The Connecticut farmhouse of Gladys Taber
I am much better at the moment Pip! Celebrating the wins haha!
Ubud was super lovely yes and I shall return! Maybe I will do the sweaty cooking class next time! Ha xxxxxx
Do a cooking class at a fancy hotel, I reckon. Those ones look amazing. The one we did was very, very rural and smokey and sweaty —> https://youtu.be/LaTGrV58wec?si=cVMaJmPPJomwPmKk
xx
You have had a few very tough years, I’m so sorry Pip. I hope that these little glimpses of better days, start to stretch for longer, and eventually blend together. Thank you for taking the time to write these posts, they are delightful as always. In many ways they are a little therapeutic themselves I guess? Take care.
Hi,
Rediscovering you after many years. I’m really sorry you haven’t been well but it’s amazing you are achieving so much despite being unwell. I love the eclectic mix in your posts and the hot cross buns look delicious. Sending lots of love across the sea from Bath, UK. Btw I saw the Ladybird ? Book exhibition. It was great with so many memories from childhood.
thank you for sharing your easter with us. gosh i wish for you to be better, to feel better, to not have that lingering fear of relapse, trying to steal the joy from the good moments.
I admire your positive and hopeful ways,
good luck with the couch search, may it come to you at the right time and in the right way
cheers Kate
Speaking of Roald Dahl, have you seen – The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar? Wes Anderson recreates RD’s writing space, complete with 2 phones. It’s a great little short film. He’s done 3 more short films of RD’ stories, but I haven’t seen them yet.
Blackbird is my favourite Beatles song too.
I haven’t heard Beyonce’s version yet.
I did hear her Jolene cover, and I’m not a fan.
I loved all of this. I am coming – slowly – out of chronic illness myself, and the hope of something different and fear of a relapse sit together all of the time. I have started reading books again and swimming (bobbing) in the ocean after two years of almost no physical activity and resting in bed doing not very much at all, and it is wonderful.
We are going through the same things, aren’t we? It’s almost euphoric being able to do things and then … it’s scary. I am so glad you are able to do some regular things some of the time, Kris. xx
PS: Touching wood for you, too!
Hallo!
I’m currently awake in Ubud listening to the rain. It’s 4.14 am and I have been awake since 2 am because I was excited about the thunder and rain and wanted to look out of the window at it.
I may be deeply regretful about this later when we are rushing off to the airport!
This is a lovely post Pip and I shall read the last couple of posts you have done again, once I am home and put the laundry on etc.
I deeply, deeply felt the first part of your post. I wonder if the trick is to deeply appreciate the ‘well’ moments when they come. I mean obvs you do! I get it. I have no answers! It’s too complex. We need a whole pot of tea for that chat!
I love the gold sofa so much but I guess it’s time is nearing the end. I looked for one like this for years and never found it. It’s true that the best ones just turn up! Something splendid will turn up for you.
I have thought of you and Rin on this break because I remembered your trip here and the cooking class and the excitement so that was nice …. The bit about poor Rins throat and the delay due to volcano shenanigans- not so nice!
I’m going to try to sneak out of bed to look at the rain again without waking up the Pony (this will be unsuccessful) BUT I MUST LOOK!
Here’s to loving the better days and flowing through the less good ones dear Pippy.
I am so cheered by your goodies though and clap every time you have one. Even an hour or 2 is lovely right?!
Lovage darling xxx
Wishing you the safest of all flights home. Ubud is so lovely, isn’t it? And YES we went to the Green Kitchen Cooking School and sweated our way through a very, very good cooking class. The couch! The cats have near destroyed it, to be honest. It’s seen much, much better days. I’m glad you understand the sick parts of my post, but also sad because NOBODY wants you to be sick, Edie! Love to you and to Pony and to everyone, really! Thank you for reading in the rain before the crack of dawn, pal! xx