Mike-ro-scopes

Aries
I have one word for you, Aries – Bandaids. Despite your sheepy symbol, you are far from ram-like. In fact you prefer to tiptoe through life in a most pleasing way. It’s a little know fact that rams tiptoe – and it’s time to share the secret. Remember though.. that all that tip-toeing could lead to blisters.

Taurus
i see something silver shining on your horizon.. it’s a packet of staples. Take Mikes advice and step out of the norm – Officeworks has lovely green staples which will help you get things together in a more unique and sustainable way. And won’t people find you more interesting?

Gemini
avoid sticky situations today – keep your hands off the glue gun, as painful problems may arise. You will cross paths with a soul-mate today, but you might miss it – if you don’t take time out to smell the jonquils – in fact buy yourself 3 bunches and all will be sweet. But some people hate the smell of jonquils.. so they should buy roses instead. Yellow ones.

Cancer
a day for home and hearth. Follow your sign and have crab sandwiches for dinner – with a little mayonnaise and a squeeze of lemon, you should feel grounded and at peace with yourself. A word of warning – beware the man with the handle-bar moustache – he doesn’t understand that crabs like you are to be protected – he wants to devour you. A quick snip of the claws in the appropriate area should keep him at bay.

Leo
it’s time to stake your claim. Let go of your inhibitions and be who you really are.. roar the lions roar. Do what you need to do to let yourself fly… Perhaps it is macrame, perhaps painting a pet rock, perhaps a spot of tatting or faggoting to keep your craft on.. Whatever it is, do what you wanna do, be what you wanna be. Yeah.

Virgo
Not a great day for sharp or sucky objects. Things could go pear-shaped. Spend the day on the couch watching daytime television – eating only soft foods – and avoiding at all costs – the vacuum cleaner. It is for your own good, and know that tomorrow, the world will be your oyster. Start making plans for tomorrow, today… but don’t look back, or you might get motion sickness.

Libra
listen to your sign – scales. Your chart denotes a Monday night exfoliation session. Mix one egg white with one tablespoon of rolled oats and scrub like Martha. You will be rewarded with a glowing outlook tomorrow. Call 9421 1822 for a prediction you will like – be sure to say only the word LIBRA.

Scorpio
your fiery passion is set to erupt. Mike suggests a bag of clay from art-riot, a plastic gingham tablecloth and a bottle of Chianti (with the little baskety bottom on it). Let yourself be guided by your hands and your heart. Create bad pottery.

Sagittarius
archery is a dying art, and for very good reason. Arrows hurt and are best left to cupid’s romantic bow. And speaking of cupid, even though you are very much committed to that special someone, you have been hit with the pretty stick today, so lap up all the extra attention and then head home to the ones you truly love. It’s only flirting.

Capricorn
are you the goaty one? So unfair, because there’s not a goatee to be seen anywhere near you – which is why you must head to a cool bar like Saint Jeromes and frolick amongst all the goateed young males. They will recognise your alpha-goat status and artfully reward you with bad house wine and free nuts. Go run with the herd, and take your knitting.

Aquarius
This is the dawning of your age, Aquarius. Let your hair down, don your crochet-ed bikini and just chill out in the knowledge that you don’t need to wear high-waisted jeans to be a cool-cat… you have the style and class to pull off that daisy tucked behind your ear. Start the day with a new attitude – you are the best person in the world. If you live it, it will be…..

Pisces
Mike’s a Pisces – so ours is a good one. Today people will worship at your feet and pin money on you. A stranger will clean your car. You will glow with good health, despite drinking half a bottle of wine last night – and a letter will come, about a mysterious journey – which will not involve Jetstar or standby tickets. Rejoice in your own magnetic power.

xx and have an ethereal day

Mikes