Do you know what I’ve been noticing lately? I’ve been noticing that people are a LOT more confessional and honest. I’ve been noticing people sharing things about their lives and being super candid about feelings or experiences which might previously have been kept hush-hush or stored in that cupboard marked skeleton. Have you noticed this too?
For instance, I’ve seen Kathy Lette doing the media rounds, promoting the book she’s just released about raising her son (who has Asperger’s) and wondering (tongue-in-cheek) why we don’t eat our own young.
Kerri Sackville spoke on The Circle about how her anxiety led her to under-worry and not realise how ill one of her children was until they had to be hospitalised.
The adorable Chloe Maxwell was on The Circle talking about her child (who has autism) and revealing that in her darkest moment she wished him away.
In the blogging arena there are lots of bloggers who share the very real things they are going through and the supposed ‘mistakes’ they make along the way. A big part of the reason these bloggers have big audiences is because they ARE so real and they aren’t spinning a web of fakery about who they are. The only spin they do is in the laundry. The rest of the time they are hearts on sleeves, telling it like it is, with all kinds of consequences.
I guess the major consequence of this kind of confessional attitude is judgement. Urk. Judgement is forever rearing its ugly head and tramping on the true, good intentions of sharey people. And I guess, when we share and confess, we wince a wee bit as the words come out, knowing that even one challenging retort from a listener/reader/viewer will cut like a knife. (Oops. I am saying we now. I guess as a blogger I feel this quite profoundly too…!)
The thing is, without these confessors and sharers, the bits of other people’s lives that we see would be glossy, vanilla, the highlights package. And there’s a danger in always seeing then good stuff, because it means that when we have our own dips and lulls, we feel alone. We need to see the stories of others and support their decision to tell them honestly and openly, chiefly because they want to tell them and it’s very nice manners to be a good listener and care. But also we need to hear those stories because they give our own lives and struggles a bit of an anchor. They give us a reference point for whatever we may be going through (or about to go through). Just because we may not feel able to reveal so bravely, doesn’t mean that we should turn away, shoosh! or ‘tut tut’ at the raw truths being revealed.
I know that for some people, the honesty and openness of others can be confronting. I also know that some people might see this confessional approach as a chance to make a judgment or to feel better about themselves. I get that. But what I think is that these open dialogues are a way to make a connection, not a judgement. I think that we should celebrate, learn from and support those who are brave enough to tell their true stories. And sharing experiences is a way of gathering all kinds of confusing feelings and thoughts and sort of crowd-sourcing solutions and comfort.
What do you think?
x Pip
First published here on JustB
Wow, brilliant post Pip and what a great bunch of comments. This is such an interesting subject and I agree that a mix of honesty and some 'realness' is good but also that too much information is bad. I've been thinking about this a lot because for ages now I've wanted to share the fact that I'm pregnant…for the first time…at 40!!! But after a really rough first few months of pregnancy and a self imposed ban on personal stuff on my blog, I was in two minds. But I just did it…tonight in fact, my first ever pregnancy post..pooed my pants clicking publish but thought "oh what the heck"…gulp. xxxx
ps. so glad I didn't see that infected toe!!! :o)
I love honesty in blogging. While it's nice to see glossy, happy pictures, it does sometimes give the wrong idea that some people live easy, breezy lives. I have been a bit confessional about what a hard time life was for me after having a baby, but there IS a fear of putting everything out there. No one wants to be judged! Not knowing who all may be reading, I often skip over the less than pleasant bits. But every time I see someone being honest about the difficulties of life, I feel such relief and a bit of kinship for them. I think it's a very GOOD thing to let others know what your reality is like.
hello from BYW – great to see another aussie blog here, especially one I already admire! I wrote post a few weeks back called 'Things I'm Afraid To Tell You' and it was refreshing to put my fears out there, it actually felt great! Hope you are enjoying class as much as I am!
i not only enjoyed this blog post, but that comments that followed. i recently reflected on how personal blogging is for me, yet i still consider myself a private person. like anything in life, there needs to be a balance. honesty doesn't necessarily mean tapping into your dark side and sordid secrets. for instance my blog posts contain a lot of the art and craft projects i pursue which i consider to be a way of revealing a truth about me, who i am, and how i work…after all isn't creativity a way to open ourselves to the world and sharing a part of who we are. i kind of think that's what blogging is all about, and when done well you can read the genuine writers and set them apart from the not so genuine…that has to be respected. thanks again pip for sparking such an interesting conversation topic!
God I know! The '50s housewife lives right there on Blogging Lane. Whaddup with that!?! x
So true! Isn't it hilarious when so many people want to re-perpetuate the "gerber baby" or 1950's perfect mother myth!! Loving your observation about the carefully constructed corner!!
Obviously Facebook is a bit different to blogging proper but you get the drift of what I'm saying, right??
I like honest conversations and people talking about their lives honestly and openly. But there is totally a limit. For example, a very, very good friend went away for the weekend just gone and apparently she had a bit of *naughty* fun with a young gentleman. That's great except that her friend tagged her at the club they were enjoying themselves in an gave intimate details of what had occurred. That isn't sharing to help enlighten others or to widen knowledge or to promote a cause. I could do without the intimate details appearing in my Facebook feed (I can only imagine what colleagues and family members would have thought of this particular nugget of gossip). Certain things should remain private. Others should be ventilated and discussed and argued about and shared. That's how we all learn and become better people.
I feel like this too. Inspirational on one hand, scarily confidence slaying on the other!!!! x
I remember that infected toe. Once seen, never erased. Shudder. x
Completely agree, Pip. I would only add that just as 'sharing' is a part of life, so I think is 'judging'. I think it's natural to judge, but it is not necessary to judge cruelly or unfairly. We all do it – the person opening themselves up for judgement this week was probably judgey of someone else last week. It is what it is.
I wish the haters would go away, but I'm all for people having their say. It's brave to open up, it's even braver to open up and hear what others have to say about it. Sharing is learning, IMO. x
I prefer honesty – one of the reasons I love my best friend so much is that she is so willing to tell me everything warts and all….it saved me when I was struggling to bond with my son after just having him. She was so matter of fact about her similar struggle with her son that all of a sudden I felt "normal". She does it all the time – makes things I thought were really bad seem like not a bother at all.
I'm an oversharer. That is the purpose of my personal blog, and with that in mind I have a couple of other blogs that serve other purposes. The initial sharing was terrifying, intimidating and a little surreal, but those people who read my stories are to be commended for being so gracious in their support and community spirit. Truth in blogging is something I place enormous value on, appreciate from others and promote in my own writing.
Once on a craft blog, the blogger shared a close up picture of their infected toe and that was a bit much for me personally. Mostly though I admire people that are brave on their blog and true. I think bloggers are a supportive bunch and there are more often nice comments than not. Have a great week! Great post, nicely said!
Bloggers who make themselves vulnerable to their readers are very brave in my opinion. I think it takes a lot of courage to be able to share some of our own darkness to everyone. It helps others to also feel safe opening up.
I find that if I've subscribed to a crafty blog and then have to start reading about illness or major health problems I lose interest and become a little bit annoyed . I think its OK to be honest but the blog must stay true to its purpose . I don't really want to know too much personal detail about the bloggers personal life (the gory bits I mean ) reading blogs can help some people through tough times maybe …..but for me they are an escape from the real world into a world of bloggyland
I hear you Pip and agree wholeheartedly! It's not about having a whinge about the trivial bits of our day but being honest about life's emotional up's and down's. I have seen in my own life that when a friend opens up about something it makes others feel safe to do so and we end up all helping each other! As the old saying goes "A burden shared is a burden halved". Thanks again for opening up honest discussion.
I think it's great when bloggers are honest about their lives and share not just the fun stuff, but the not-so-good stuff as well. I think that honesty can help to make others in similar situations feel better and not so alone- what can be bad about that? Great post Pip! 🙂
Pip, I discovered your blog via Chantelle. It's interesting to read your post thought I must admit at this moment of time I haven't been blogging much about myself. Mostly showcasing my craft work (mainly scrapbooking) and a little bit on photography. Most times I am afraid to open myself up more because I worry about what others are going to think. Since I am still new to blogging, I have a lot to lern especially in the navigation side of things. Anyway, thank you for sharing and giving me an insight what blogging is all about. I am going to revisit my blog and work on the contents.
I have become a subscriber now. Thank you.
Lili
Lovely post…there's a great quote by Rumi which goes it is absolutely none of your business what others think of you…so whenever l get caught up in that i think of that…..
Leah x
I like it when bloggers are open about the darker side of life. I try to keep my blog generally upbeat but I am definitely not upbeat the whole time. I have Major Depressive Disorder and am not shy about discussing that. The only censorship I do is trying not to give all the details about my family, where we live, work, or go to school. That's about all I'll censor myself on. I like when bloggers discuss not so happy stuff because I feel more connected to them.
I agree with freefalling in that I have clicked away from blogs where it is all bad stuff. I really do not want them to drag me down with them. They can keep blogging that way, there are plenty of people who like to read that stuff. If you visit a blog and you don't like it, I think you should go clicking somewhere else.
I dunno.
I understand people go through really shitty things in their lives, but I have clicked away and stayed away from blogs where the shitty stuff is all they can talk about.
But that's my choice.
And it's their choice (and absolute right)to write about their shitty situation on their very own blog.
I kinda like what Ingrid had to say about it:
"I think if you make a mix of honest and Happy blogging,
just as life: it's not only about eating applepie,
is the most atractive (I just don't wanna know Everything about Everyone)"
Here here!
It is really refreshing to read some honesty about life. I think many women feel a lot of pressure to always have a Pollyanna attitude socially and I guess the blogging world has that too. I get a bit tired (jealous!) of seeing perfect set ups in gorgeous houses and women who seem have been able to sew, bake and blog so much, and are so darn cheerful all the time! And then i think "well they must not have children" and then i scroll down to pictures of perfect max and baby bella who seem to play in their art directed and composed corners so contentedly. Blogging can be a myth making process. On one hand I am inspired by the aesthetics, but the underbelly is it can make me feel inadequate, as i look around at the dishes piling up and my garden in disaray and problems with my kids. i like to see what falls outside the (literal and metaphorical) edited cropping sometimes too.
But mostly I am looking for great insightful writing and images whatever the tone.
As for the kinds of details that should remain private, anything that could expose or hurt someone else any time in the future is a no no to me (including kids).
I love reading the more confessional posts. I think they help everyone to feel like they are not alone. A balance is always good. But I have limits as to how confessional I would be. I'm always aware that one day my children will probably read it. So there are things that I just won't say. Even though I'm sure it might help other mums if I did.
This is so timely – I was just commenting to a bloggy friend with whom i have blogged with for a number of years now – she was apologising for "whinging" about her crappy day and a terminal illness in her family and another intensely serious issue. My comment was how important it is to actually step outside that "pleasantville" blogstyle that was very popular a few years back in the bloggersphere and make things a bit more "real". At the same token, i myself do not want to read about seriously private stuff that is put out there for no particular reason, nor do i want to read caustic nasty judgements on posts or comments. There must be a balance of private and public and basic tenets of courtesy and good manners (manners are good they are a gentle way of keeping peace in the world) need to be observed. But yes Pip – things seem a bit more real around here and i think that is always a good thing.
i love blogging
but am often frustrated
by the happy sugary
everything is great
comments i recieve
constructive gentle criticism
is often what i crave
and sometimes i wish to leave
a less than charming comment
but resist as it just ain't cricket
i once ran a 'caustic comment' giveaway
but my readers were just too darn decent!
anyway all this is relevant
to my old about 'me'blog
(oddand old) which is now in hibernation
too early to pass judgement
on my new blog talent trawl
where i am focusing on
championing the creativity of others
interesting post pip
cheers
x
…
***
It's hard sometimes, to know what to share and what not to. I hold back a lot because I know that one day my kids may read my blog, and their friends, so I am a little bit careful about things that they may not find flattering as they go through their teen-age years. I also held back about my partner losing his job, but then I felt guilty, because people must be wondering how I managed to get so much craft done when the truth was I had another adult around to help out. In the end, my blog is only really meant to be about crafty stuff mostly, and then sometimes if the other stuff is interesting enough a little of that.
I do think that some people are over-sharers*, and there is a price that they pay for it. I don't necessarily think that the price is fair, but we should all be aware of it.
As for nasty and judgy comments. Well, they say more about the (often anonymous) person who is being all judgy than the person they are judging.
*When I say over-sharers, I mean they share more than I would, but I am okay with the sharing 🙂 I like it, it gives perspective.
Hi, this is something I've been thinking about a lot lately, and I have to say that I love to read stuff that is real and from the heart. It is affirming to see that we all go through hard times, and it makes me admire the writer for their bravery in confronting the negative things in their lives and being able to share them with others. Just as in my friendships I want more than shallow smalltalk, in blogging it feels good to be authentic, to give of yourself and hear others' truths. Life is not all perfect family life and tidy stylish homes, it can also be messy and sometimes painful and that's ok. Rachel
Maybe, possibly, the increased use of real time updates we are encouraged to write on twitter, facebook, instagram has warmed us the the idea of sharing those in-between moments. When there has been no bad consequences, we can see that we begin to share more?
Hi PIp, I agree with you, I wrote about it several times on my blog.
I've been really honest about my Ugly divorce on my blog last year,
without filling in the details, too private, it was more the atmosphere
but noy only about that, I also published Happy Messages
I don't know if I would do it again, it keeps following me!
(people still wish me All the best with Everything,
but I am More than Ok at the moment) So. I don't think so…
I think if you make a mix of honest and Happy blogging,
just as life: it's not only about eating applepie,
is the most atractive (I just don't wanna know Everything about Everyone)
But in the end evryone has to decide for themselves
Do what feels right!
Have a lovely weekend (and eat some applepie;)
Truthfully, one of the important things that really inspires me is the ability for someone to be able to reach a certain depth now and again. It does make me want to go back and read more. There is lots of inspiration out there but without this now and again, I will have to go off and search for more! Heather x
Mmm…I love honesty and 'judgy' comments are interesting (sometimes sad, sometimes pathetic) but take essentially nothing away from the honest writer, that always stands alone and up for itself.
I like the process bloggers I imagine go through and though I am not one, I appreciate someone putting it out there so I can think a little every day.
Oh, totally get this! I read lots of posts on various blogs that are open, honest, and full of some sort of anguish, and find myself feeling for these people. At the same time I am usually cringing at some of the tactless, horrible replies that are posted by other readers.
I guess some people like to wear their heart on their sleeves, and others like to break those hearts. Sad really….
I posted something on my blog last night that was very honest, and I felt a little exposed doing it. Not so much at people judging – well maybe a little. I just didn't want people to worry about me, or feel bad, or upset. It wasn't anything revolutionary, just a few words about friendship. But the bits I didn't write were just important and helped me think through things in my head and heart. In the end I'm glad I posted it, and I think people need to be more open about the icky bits in life.