Do you ever think everyone else is getting lots done, doing more, being more, getting more, more, more, more!?!?! Or do you sometimes think other people are doing more fun stuff, hanging out together, scooping up life like handfuls of popcorn and crunching it down like very hungry caterpillars? Or do you ever gaze from afar on other people’s lives, their stylish couches, their interesting shoes and feel like things are so much more compelling or chic over there?
Do you ever?! Sometimes on Facebook and the like, little hints of this stuff seep out in people’s status updates or comments. Some people are happy. Some are wanty. Some are needy. Some are soaring. But it’s all played out very publicly. We are all privy to SO MUCH STUFF!
Getting a handle on where you fit in amongst that stuff is SO tough sometimes. The pressure to be someone, with something, somewhere can be QUITE overwhelming. Maybe to keep up, to keep reaching forward, to do your best, but be yourself?
Remember to be your very best you, okay?! When you have time!
Add to that mix, our new connectedness-from-afar and a constant stream of ‘I am this. I got this. I went here. I saw her’ from the people in our lives and things get complex. The pressure to find your place amongst all these people and all those words can be HARD! The pressure to be the person, do the stuff, have the things can be confusing.
Me? I don’t look for my place, really. I am a weirdo like that. I am the queen of homebodies. I look at my house and my friends and my family and my life and I feel freaking lucky. I don’t really want to emulate any one else’s stuff or shoes or couch. I just want to BE in my own ME. And I know where I fit in. I don’t find that tricky.
What I do find hard is meeting other people’s expectations of me! In this connected age there are so many ways to get in touch in an instant. It’s pretty great. But the hours in the day did not increase with our connectedness. Somehow they SHRUNK! It’s hard to have enough hours to hang with all the rad people. Get out the tiny violin, if you would like to.
I struggle with it. Working from home and balancing the being connected with the getting connected. Making sure I get to see the people I like the most, making sure they know how I feel about them, making sure THAT is all in check. I find THAT hard. ESPECIALLY when I’m quite into hanging out with a very small circle of people and making things and writing and just working hard for quite long hours. Ugh. Do you find that hard too? Maybe I am the only one?!
Hmm. Anyway, maybe they are PERCEIVED expectations that I speak of. Or maybe they are REAL ones, gleaned from hints in conversations and communications. I am not really sure. But I DO feel like that is one thing I could do better. I’m not really juggling higher expectations of my life… But I am juggling the people who I really like and trying to make it NOT feel like a juggle. HARD. A bit tricky sometimes. A lot of the time. Especially when you work a lot like I do.
Le sigh. Will try harder!
Don’t you think we are all together, ever present… and yet really busy and far away too?!
And with edited updates and glossy blog posts it’s quite the challenge to find your own real-life panorama amongst it all! Because things have narrowed down a lot to whichever screen you are connecting on?
Do you find it hard to juggle your people? Do you know where you fit in? Do you wish you had more time for real life hanging out as well as online connecting?
xx Pip
Edit : I published this last night… and when I got up today it had many, many 100s of hits BUT no one had said anything or contributed their own thoughts. Ironic! And I felt a bit disconnected from my blog… So I took it down. But now I am putting it up again, because it’s okay to put my own thoughts on my own blog right?! And if no one says anything, well it’s not really a reflection on my thoughts, it’s more a reflection on their busyness or pondering…. Right?! LOL! OR maybe it indicates that I am nuts. OR that no one really wants to read this kind of stuff here and I should start a diary!!! Hah!
I loved your post Pip, But I still feel really BAD for not blogging more ! I used to blog heaps, then came Facebook ! I really really want to keep up with my fave blogs and I even feel guilty for not doing so ! I get yours by email so thats OK ! These days, there aren't enough hours in the day ( or my time management skills have flown the coop ! ) and this happens as you get older, I know it does.
Is it ok to sit and nod as you read and hardly ever comment ? Thats me I'm afraid.
Miriam
Oh Pip THANK YOU!! It's as if you were reading my mind. This last week has been all about the overwhelming feeling of needing to do MORE… and your words bring such comfort.
We have our own business and feel like each day is truly a holiday… we love it that much. But the pressure of getting it all done, and needing to be MORE organised, and MORE polished and MORE everything sometimes creeps in.
So thank you for sharing your heart and your words… it touched us deeply and made our hearts sigh. It's always the best feeling to not feel like you're the only one juggling expectations and demands! Thank you thank you thank you.
We're going to share this on our blog with our own readers, and let them read your insightful words too.
(http://www.missrose-sisterviolet.blogspot.com.au/)
Thank you again! And much love, yazzie
xxxxxxxxx
I just found your blog. I was going through new posts in my reader, found an interview with you on one of the blogs to which I subscribe and I HAD to visit. Hello! I LOVE this post! I wish you lived nearby. You would be an amazing next door neighbor.
Yep! And also — the added bonus for me is getting to talk to people in other countries, that I might never have met in "real" life. Without whom, some colorful zip would be missing from my days. Maybe blogs and social media are like salt…a bit of it inhances, while too much just overwelms everything.
Hi pip, i dont comment much but im still here! I read a post by someone on another blog asking not to be judged. Seems she had negative feedback that her life seemed too rosy and unobtainable. She suggested that only the good bits got posted and there were plenty of unglam moments. I can see that the pressure to post things that people wsnt to read would be hard. I think when people present themself warts and all thays great because we can all relate. We feel like we know people online but they are different relatinships, maybe a bit one dimensional? I think making time everyday to connect with your peeps is really appreciated. Even a short text can be enough to say im thinking and connecting to just you rather than broadcasting the good bits to all and sundry. As you said a hard balance.
Tee hee. I am a Pisces fish and I think about these things and think 'a-ha' I am onto something here and then I swim the other way and think, 'oh that was stoopid' and then I do some stuff and then I get busy with other stuff and family and work and the house and the garden and cooking and recycling and Girl Guides, they're all constant and I plod along and then… and then… and then…
Really, we're all very lucky and if you're connected online. That's lucky. And if you've got good friends and family with whom you're connected, you're lucky, and if you have both and you have to juggle that, you're just super lucky.
Thanks so much. xxx
Aw. Thanks, Samantha! xx
Thanks so much for reading, Jess the Reader!
Gee Pip, this really shot home with me – I'm procrastinating doing something scary and awesome – scawesome, if you will.
Right now I can't stop thinking this: "Do you ever think everyone else is getting lots done, doing more, being more, getting more, more, more, more!?!?!", when I know I should be doing more to help myself.
Must get on and get that done, but lots of love Pip, and thanks for re-posting. xo
I'm a bit late to the party, but that's kind of my thing…
Loved this post Pip! Being an expat far from friends and family I do love social media for the way it at least makes me feel connected with engagements and births, and even school concerts and new boat purchases and weekends away and stuff. And I have met some really wonderful people on-line who I credit with keeping me sane (without Twitter and Instagram and blogs I'd have entire weeks where the only English I'd speak would be to my husband and dogs, and I'm pretty sure that way lies madness.
BUT! I have been struggling lately with this restlessness, this pressure I feel to always be producing something, creating something, putting things out THERE. But then I think why? Why do I need to? Surely it's enough that I get pleasure out of something – why do I need to tell people about it, or maybe even try to sell it? If I love strolling about and taking a few snaps why do I then feel the pressure to DO SOMETHING with those snaps?
It's a tricky balance, because yes it's awesome to want to feel special and creative and to want to do stuff. And we can see all these people around us doing just that. But hey – maybe it's okay to just crochet something for your dog and not tell anyone about it? Maybe it's okay to take some photos and just let them sit on your laptop (gasp!) and not turn them in to a zine or a calendar or some postcards…hmmmm, I don't now…
And we are such homebodies! Though I do feel like I need an airing every now and again, there's nothing I like better than a weekend at home, cooking up some feasts and listening to the radio. 🙂
You should start a diary if you want to, but I like reading your thoughts Pip. Thanks for sharing them!
Oh this is so true! I so often look at other people's impressive lives and feel inadequate by comparison. I really like the quote that someone mentioned above, "Comparison is the thief of joy". I first saw it on Facebook a little while ago (I think you posted it, Pip?) and whenever I catch myself comparing myself to others and wishing I had the stuff or lifestyle that they have, I remind myself of the quote. When I focus on what I do have I realise I'm incredibly blessed and I'm truly happy with my life. I think it's really, really great and important that when you look at your home, family and friends you are happy and know where you fit. If you are happy being yourself that is a truly wonderful thing. I totally understand the difficulty of trying to negotiate other people's expectations, especially if they differ from your own expectations of yourself. I often find that because I don't have a "normal" job people just don't get what I do so it's likely that I'll never fit their expectations, which don't actually align with my own. I know that some people are disappointed in me because my work doesn't look like they think it would and that's hard to take. But at the end of the day other people's expectations (or perceived expectations) are somewhat irrelevant. It's what you think that counts. If you have the love and support of your nearest and dearest, too, well that's just ace! They are the people who will understand the masterful juggling act you are managing to achieve with your very full plate. I don't think you need to try harder, I think you just need to keep being you, because you are really very great. xo
Thank you for sharing. I am glad that you share these thoughts here. What you said is very true. I relate-a lot 🙂 In fact I passed this blog onto a friend because I think that she is feeling the same to. Anyway just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your thoughts 🙂
I feel that way too! Happy and content in my me-ness, but I'd live to manage my time better and see less over sharing on social media! Take care, dude. Don't work TOO hard. Get some interns!! Much love xx
'But the hours in the day did not increase with our connectedness. Somehow they SHRUNK!'
How true! The comments in your post really resonate with me Pip (& with so many others obviously!) but the quote above is the one that really got me !
Dont beat yourself up honey. Dont give a hoot about what other peoples expectations of you are, this is no dress rehersal & it seems to me like your making a fine & dandy job of 'living'. We are all guilty of a bit of navel gazing, hankering, wishful thinking and just plain jelousy.
The internet is just a reflection of the real world delivered into our homes (where I suspect it takes on more power). The 'haves' the 'have-nots' the 'haters' and the 'givers'.
You dont have to be online to 'be' but on my worst days I do think that when Im gone I may not be leaving behind me any magnificent sculptures or wonderful arias but in a tiny little corner of cyber-space theres a snapshot of me & who I was at a particular time for the people who loved me to go and visit whenever they miss me ! – Maybe its morbid but its also my truth.
Not sure I said what I need to but what I really wanted to say Pip was 'thank you' for putting your thoughts out there & giving us all pause for thought x x x
This is a great post Pip. ive only recently entered the blog world bit have been reading along for a while. I struggle with keeping up with it all and life. Feel like my hours no longer get utilised as well as they should but cant work out how they go so quickly yet often feel like I havent done what I had hoped to in that time. Basically usually feel disorganised as a result because I cant seem to fit everything in. Thanks again for a stimulating post. Cheers!!
great post Pip … I had a hugely long and fascinating comment but as it has just taken me nearly an hour to be able to sign in to blogger to actually leave a comment, unfortunately I lost it …!!
I agree with the comment that all the social media output tends to create one great super human of achievement, but am happy to say that my innate laziness means that the only person preventing me from becoming that uber crafter/blogger/writer/painter is me!
I am so grumpy that I've had to use IE to leave this comment! LOL! Firefox and Chrome just aren't playing nice today ….
thank you, Michaela. I appreciate that. xxxx p
I see the irony! I feel it too! AND part of me loves being home and connected this way (because I have a lot on my plate!). AND an equal part of me loves being with them IN REAL LIFE. Jeepers! I get it! I do!
YES! I agree! YES! You sound positively STOKED!
Sob. I do too. Actually…. I have loved reading what everyone has written here. Gosh. It's really lovely to be able to write something other than 'How to make a slip knot' and for people to respond. I am so glad to have people like you all around me. I am HAPPY. But I am UNHAPPY when others say they are NOT HAPPY with my direction! I need to make my own peace with that… and I need to trust myself and my own choices. THANK YOU Gayle. xxxxxxxxxx times a zillion.
I adore what you wrote, thank you. Kate
Until relatively recently I was a total homebody, non-social networking type, and was happy with my small circle of family and extended loved ones that I tried to stay connected with but then I was faced with following a career dream, changing towns and the world of computer connectedness opened up and I must admit I struggle (especially with what others expect me to be/do). I can talk to someone in another part of the world easier than catching a coffee with a friend a couple of streets over and I have to really try hard to find the balance all the time, it's exhausting some days. I see the talent/lifestyle/beauty of other people 'out there' and I have to give myself a shake and remember how much talent/lifestyle/beauty I have right here. What I love about the 'cyber window' is seeing people just like you who are completely themselves it really gives me the inspiration to keep being the most authentic me too! Secretly I long to stay home again full time, I never feel as whole as when I'm within my own four walls,…one day.
Hi i would just like to say i think you are really awesome and inspiring. Must say i am guilty of looking at all the cool things people HAVE out there in cyberspace or is it the real world and look at my 1/2 renovated victorian house bring the whip out on my poor Dairy Farmer husband who is the builder/plasterer/floorsander etc and say give me a cool house NOW!!! after he has spent 12 hours working on the farm. BAD BAD Wife.
However i have been inspired to reduce my hours at work (because it makes me a grump and i miss out on precious kids stuff) and now i am about to do something that makes me really happy, will tell you more about that later any way thanks to you i am inspired to be happy by loving the simple creative things that make me happy, but don't pay the school fees
You nailed it x I feel like this too.
Thanks for sharing x
Hi Pip,
You've shamed me into posting a comment! ;0) I'm an avid reader (don't miss one of your posts!) but never get around to posting comments, mainly due to some of the reasons you so highlighted so brilliantly above and also because I think that nobody wants to hear what I have to say anyway! When someone writes as well as you do at this end of the internet connections it is a little daunting to post your thoughts and ideas in case they don't come aacross nearly as well as yours… no matter how much you'd like us to!
Your post summed me up brilliantly … always looking over my shoulder consuming energy marvelling at how creative, perfect and wonderful everyone elses lives are. It becomes all consuming. Not sure what the answer is but if I can take a leaf from your book (sorry … blog!) I'd be better for it. Thanks again for this post and your blog … you make a difference.
Paul
Hi Pip! Yesterday I decided to pull the pin on blogging. It's done…I don't have to think about one more blog post, and I feel better. The twitter account will be the next to go…I have never learnt how to use it anyway, and I think it might be better not to! I don't like Facebook for personal use – I prefer to call or email a friend privately – and I certainly don't need to update my status!! But I WILL continue with my FB Business pages because they take very little time to update, it's easy to get straight to the point and I've found a supportive and friendly community there. SO…that's me. I encourage others to give up a little bit of social media…not everything…just a little xx
Oh thank you! I do feel happy with who I am! BUT sometimes people in my life say things to me, which make me think I need to be more… I need to learn to brush that stuff off and not worry about disappointing other people. After all, I am who I am. I'm not who they think I am!! Thank you for this therapy! LOL! xxxx
WOW quite a lot of posts and I wonder if you will get to see and read this at all… but here's my comment for what its worth…..
NO!!!! I NEVER wonder where I fit in or how I measure up …. Like YOU I am a home body and live my Life… who else's Life or experience could I ever live… even I wanted to try – I Am only able to filter through my screen or senses so there I'd be MYSELF>>>>
so here's how I see feel and sense it all…. I am NOT in a competition with or against anyone… I figured out my comfort zone and Am seeking to always learn and do better not necessarily more…. ( though when it comes to yarn I ALWAYA WANT MORE giggles here)
I strive to do what is my best each moment and accept that my best might be different each day… Perhaps this is truly the way you feel and just thought you were not measuring up or even needing to as You seem content to JUST BE THE BEST YOU that You are ABLE!!!! Happy You and Happy today Pip!
i read your blog and it reminds me of who i am, not what i aspire to be or own…
I am feeling exactly 100% totally absolutely completely like that right now. I have recently taken a Facebook break as I was not feeling like the "connection" really represented being connected. I put a message out there for people to catch me on my blog, email, twitter and instagram. This was a message to people who I talk to ALL the time on Facebook about meaningless crap. Anyhow, guess how many FB people have been in contact with me by any other means over the past few weeks?? One……. ONE!! Honestly.. One measly contact from someone who wanted to tell me my new red hair was nice… Now, if I had've Facebooked that picture I am sure I would've had 50 comments on the hair. But why do I need 50 comments from people who wont make the effort to say hi to me by any other method than Facebook?!
I must say, it has solidified my resolve to abstain from Facebook and connect with my real life friends and blogging buddies more. I'm feeling despondent about the blog too at the moment… but that's a story for another day.
Bye!
🙂
You know I just started blogging and you start a blog to share your ideas, thoughts, struggles and interests. Your experience I think Is what we all experience on some level and don't get the chance or time to often put it into words. I get it, I'm a homebody and joyful about it but it dissent mean that your not having to do everything else when you have to. So keep sharing.
Oh yes! It's hard to comment on devices, isn't it?! I totally get that! Thanks so much for reading, Cam. xxx
We are team HOME! We are. Thanks for leaving a comment, Sandra. xxx
Totally and completely agree with you on every level. Also the amount of people I'm reading about on Facebook that are needy, whinging, excessively consumerist, self centred and superficial – is huge. I find myself thinking "Why am I wasting my life reading their crap when I could be listening to something my children have to say instead? Or playing board games with my kids? Or baking something together?" so then I switch off and go do some real life.
And I, like you, rarely envy others or what they have. Homebodies are ace!
Gosh I feel like I have so much to say about this post Pip but I can't articulate it properly…..just know I think this could possibly be my most favourite post of yours yet. As I read it I felt like it hit me, light lights turned on & my inner self nodded her head .
I love this kind of writing. Please don't stop.
Hi Pip, I loved reading this post, perfect timing!!! I am striving to a more simple life, and am trying to declutter my whole house in a big manner, not just 'bits and pieces', but so I can create time and space to be creative and enjoy my home. I am lucky enough to have a craft room, so am spending many hours having a serious cleanup, because it is not fun to be in here whilst it is SO messy. I love reading your blogs, your honest words I can relate to, not links to ads, I feel bombarded by ads.
Recently I was lucky enough to go to India, and I loved all the time I spent there with people, street food, flavours, colours, smells, the whole experience was amazing. I am a Mum to 5 children, so for me to have some time alone is blissful!!!!
p.s. swapcards are awesome, I love the strawberry shortcake series the best!!! And I just bought my husband a remake of atari for his 40th!!!! Simple is lovely!
I have your books on a shelf in my craft room, my basket of granny squares at the ready so I can hopefully finish my blanket THIS year!!! Thank you for all your blog posts, pictures you post, ideas and inspiration, you are an amazing woman!!!!
Hmmm, I think we all look at each other through rose coloured glasses…..& oh, it is such a beautiful colour:) I am learning to pat myself on the back, say 'well done, amanda'. And well done to those I pass in the street & my loved ones:) Look up & smile, even with the minutes ticking by.
A constent question I am asked is 'I don't know how you do what you do?' I bounce, i trip, i giggle (at myself), i cry & scream & kick!!!!! …
Today I blew my car up on the way to work, slipped head-over-bottom in the grocery store, had WAY to much coffee (i'm in training at the cafe I now work at) ran a kilometer to pay for a test on the car…& learnt I am without a car for a week!!
My answer is "Sometimes I do it really well, other times I laugh or I would be crying, mostly I don't do it real well at all!"
I look at my own life through rose coloured glasses now…& it is BEAUTIFUL! Not perfect.
Thanks for sharing your heartfelt thoughts xoxo Amanda
TOTALLY! This really hit the mark with me too Pip.
I've been meaning to say for ages how I love that in your posts you are always so outward-focussed and considerate of other's needs.
And I often wonder how you fit everything in that you do. The energy it takes to pour forth all of information and wonderful treasures you chat about in your posts. Its such a treat to read, I am so glad to have stumbled upon your blog last year!!
I am really happy in this life, love my family, love my job, BUT….I have never before in my life felt inadequate as frequently as I do these last few years. This coincided with becoming a Mum. And simultaneously working part time. Its mainly the whole "everyone is is doing more" thing. For example, I often feel guilty for not catching up with friends as often as I/they would like. Or sometimes I look at my friends who are also working Mum's and it puzzles me how they too work a few days a week, and yet always have a tidy/clean house without piles of washing and "stuff" all over the kitchen table, they have friends over for dinner, go out on date nights regularly with their husbands, etc etc etc. DO they have 48 hours in their day?? Then I have to remind myself that some pay a cleaner, buy takeaway 1-2 times a week for dinner, don't do ironing, etc.
And some friends have boundless energy, even though they are sleep deprived. So they just plough through loads of stuff quicker than average.
Sometimes a friend will comment on how organised I am. I feel really chuffed, but then this mental picture pops into my head of how messy (but clean!) my home is, and once again I aspire to being a bit more organised in all aspects of life.
And then..I think "get over yourself luvvie!! There are more important things in life". Like taking the time to actually sit down today and do some craft and colouring with my 5 year old. Rather than the usual scenario of being perched on the edge of the chair crafting but ready to jump up and put through the next load of washing/unload the dishwasher/etc. I just thought, stuff it, it's the weekend, surely I can slow down and JUST BE! So after that I sat in the sun and had a cuppa with my hubby. And now I am here-HURRAH! (Just to use a Pip-ism)
And its been great to read all of the other comments too.
MelBee
x
Thanks for the reminder to be ME. While I think it would be awesome for me to be YOU – it's nice remembering how happy I am in my own skin. x Cate
I came to the conclusion that other people aren't really doing that much more than me – it's just that all those FB and blog comments merge into one superhuman in my head. I think you are doing great keeping up with all your personal friends – it sounds like you have the balance right. I have an epic fail on that score. I'm a single Mum working, full time in a demanding job, with a long journey to and from work. Add in that I have moved around a lot and real physical relationships just don't fit into my life. Meeting like minded people on the net has helped make that gap a little less empty.
It's a great post Pip, and a really relevant one.
I enjoy blogging and I love my FB business pages, but for me that's enough. I have online shops, my husband works in IT and writes apps, so online networking is a big part of our lives. But I do find that too much of it actually leads to us feeling disconnected…with each other, our kids and our close friends and family.
Sometimes turning off the computer for a while is the best way to feel connected.
Tracey xx
Oh yes! I want to look dead smart! xx
I can definitely relate, I also work from home most of the time and it's easy to feel disconnected from reality when you might go a day without 'seeing' anyone yet talking to lots of people via email, fb, blogs and sms. Sometimes it just doesn't feel real…
Your post affirms that you are thoughtful and reflective as well as creative and authentic – as we all suspected anyway! Yay for you!
Ah balance you elusive little devil!
Pip – I am like you – I wonder how to keep up with all the expectations. You work hard and get lots done, but I am sick so can't get lots done. That makes it worse. I see so many projects I would like to do, but can't. But I too am glad to have my family and a home I share with my mother, don't really want for more in that area. But there is some great stuff out there I love to look at!
Eileen
I hear you Pip. I actually had my boyfriend say to me that he wasn't sure I had room for him in my life of full-time teaching, socialising in real life and online, blogging and photographing stuff. That's a bit sad really. I'm thinking a lot lately how I can do something about all that. I'd like to work part-time, but I don't think work will go for it. 🙁
So true what you say.
I love reading your blog and Just B, it has saved me heaps in magazine spending! It kick starts my weekdays.
Fri night/Sat morn is a hard gig, family downtime /sports/shopping in our house, so no reading blogs.
I love that you are a Melbourne-based girl, real, crafty and give us food for thought and tummies.
Hi Pip,
I read your last version of this post right before going to bed last night and was thinking about how true it is. Sorry if the lack of commenting made you feel a bit isolated – i think it ties in a little bit with what your previous post was saying about RSS readers and the like – typing comments on a mobile device with the site asking you to login as this profile or that can be tricky, so I often don't do it until I'm on my laptop (like now!). It's not a great excuse, as like you were saying the benefit of all this hyperconnectivity is supposed to be that we can have a conversation wherever we are, whenever we like ….too often we just read things and nod to ourselves, or hit a 'like' button, and don't take the time to write back to the person who wrote the post in the first place.
I'm a bit similar to you in that I am also pretty happy to just cruise along in my own little groove, seeing the people I love, and just doing my own thing but I do feel pressured to try and define what I am somehow, make it into something I can put in a status update. Mine often have random blurblings about coffee, music, garden stuff, what I'm reading, who I'm with, all these little things that make up parts of my life to try and paint an overall picture. It's weird the stuff that we put out there for public consumption isn't it!
I really love the honesty in your posts, so I hope you don't feel like people don't want to read it! Keep on doing your thing Pip, its fabulous!
I live in the U.S. so it's late Friday night here and so I get your blog updates late the following day.
I LOVE this post. I didn't think that anyone felt the same way that I do about the social network. It all makes me feel so small. I don't have the time for Facebook and such. I do try to keep up with my friends but I would rather place a phone call or email. I'm sort of a private person to begin with, I don't like to post things about me for the world to read. I guess the social network just isn't for me ;-(
There's a book you should read "Status Anxiety" by Alain De Bottone. Sorry about my last rambly comment. I've had a glass of wine. But read the book, tis a goody. Plus you look dead intellectual reading it on the bus.
Love Jan xxx
Great post Pip.
So many times I read what you have written and think HEY! I was thinking that. Sometimes I feel out of love with social media, especially FB. We moved to the US last year, from Australia, and before that we lived in the UK (Wowser we became globe trotters without realsing it) and I rely heavily on social media to feel connected and part of "something". In some ways moving around the world has made our makeshift homes, wherever they are, more important than when we lived in England, and every time I sit around the table with my family and whoever else my son has brought home from school that day, I feel incredibly connected and "in the moment" with them.
I like to feel I know the country I live in, I did that in Australia. I learnt about John and Tony and Kevin and Julia, and schooling and the indiginous population and the history and how things are done (hey Australia ISN'T like the UK but with sunshine! Its Australia!). I like to be able to know where I lie, if you know what I mean.
Naturally social media is a great way to get a grip on a new country, but sometimes it's tough going. A lot of American politics makes me really really sad, people write and say horrible things, sometimes it has made me cry and FB seems to give people a free card to just be insulting and bigoted and just the worst of the worse.
I digress.
Sometimes it does feel like every one is having a ball, but even if they are (and yay for them), its not sustainable because life has to have its crappy banal meh bits, to make the other stuff stand out and make us value our lives.
I don't like to use social media to moan. If I'm having a bad day, it has to be really bad for me to say it on Fb or whatever, I would rather turn the lap top off and go for a walk or have a skype session with someone that knows me well. I think this is because my son is now on FB, and I told him the best way to deal with it, is to keep it light, and positive and to some extent impersonal, and I guess I feel a responsibility to do as I say. Plus in some way I find if I write positively, look for positive things to share, it makes me positive. My husband has always felt that out emotions are a choice (not sure I can agree 100% with him) and that negativity perpetuates negativity (I think I agree with him on that)
Luckily with social media, you have the option of switching off. So for me, over all I do feel connected with the people I love and care about, however far away they are and I can choose to switch off the nutty American that are obsessed with ovaries.
I love it when you write these kind of "life" posts, you are one wise chicken in the coop of life 🙂
Beautifully said Pip. I love to read your posts because they are so joyful and they help me to focus on the beauty in life, in all its forms. I think it is also important to stop and reflect sometimes and I think this post did that eloquently. Thank you.
When this came into my mailbox just now I was struck (again) by synchronicity. Just yesterday I was posting in my Kitchen-Garden Facebook group my homemade soup picture (which YOU inspired with your soup post in JustB) – another member of the group who I don't know, have never met and lives states away from me commented on how fabulous JustB is and I replied how awesome you are (stop blushing ;)) – a living treasure I said. And then I said I wonder often " how does she ( you) manage to give and contribute and inspire and STILL MAKE THINGS " – awesome!
So you should know that you bat way over average Pip … way over. And that – just like if you were a world class athlete – takes EFFORT – and effort is something you can only use with your available energy unless you call on your reserves. And reserves are for well …. reserving. For emergencies and extra hours to stay up late for special times, special people and discovering new things … and making mistakes and bouncing back and not being bummed out by using up "precious energy". Because energy should not be precious – it is abundant as long as we allow it to COME IN as well as GO OUT – just like breathe. So … there are times to give and times to receive.
I too am overwhelmed by both reality and possibility – and as I will be 60 next year I must always try not to feel as if I am looking down the wrong side of the telescope and thinking life's chances are getting smaller.
I read a few years ago a letter in a magazine where a woman who lost her job, panicked, then embraced the chance to catch her breathe said " Even when you are doing nothing, you are doing something" that stuck with me, still does.
I would like you to know my wishes for you Pip are that number one you are happy. Same really for everyone – happiness is the number one sign that things are RIGHT in the world. And when you are happy I say you are fulfilling your life's purpose – I call that "doing god's work".
Finally, here is one of my life's "mantra" song's … http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysbG2Pad7Mk …… I put it on and have a little wiggle when I start to get a case of the what ifs-what nexts Blessings to you Gayle
There is so much of what you've written that I can relate to. My idea of myself is so very different how I think people in real life perceive me, other than my dearest dearest friend my partner. I do struggle to maintain friendships in real life because really there isn't THAT much time and frankly I would rather spend my time hooking away or sewing at the machine. I draw energy from those things where as I find sometime maintaining relationships a drain. A bit selfish on my part too I suppose. I guess my quandry lies in the fact that I'm perceived to be an extrovert but the truth is I'm 100% introvert!!!
Anyway … baby crying so will close thoughts there. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Pip, the things you wrote of are some of the same things that I think about. I guess it's human nature to compare our lives to others. The key is to be happy with you own and "live and let live." Thank you for a thought provoking post.
This is the conversation that many of my friends and I have when we realize we know exactly what the other has been up to for the past month, but haven't seen each other at all. Connected and disconneced.
I just sent them links to this post. Yes. I see the irony in that.
Thanks for the post!
Dear Pip, I am very new to your blog and a little less newer to being my own blogger. I have commented once, maybe, on your blog already…because I know on my own blog I sometimes feel desperate for comments, I really want to feel "online connected" to whoever is out there. At the same time, and maybe related or not, I have found myself more drawn to my dearest, oldest friends…the 2 or 3 of them out there that I really count on. And I have been disconnecting from the people in my life who are not as important. Maybe blogging honestly (I try!) and reading other people's honesty has made me realize that I only have time for people who matter, because yes, I am crazy busy and just trying to be the best me and don't want to live up to the expectations of people who should not matter. I want to live up to MY expectations. I have found this post refreshing and it's sweet you took it down and put it up. I'm feeling a little like that about this comment so I will push PUBLISH before I change my mind…
Thank you Pip for sharing your thoughts on this dilemma. Like you said, in this age where we can compare, judge, envy everyone we know (and don't know)so easily and quickly, it takes a conscious effort on my part too to pull back and focus on my own balance and priorities. Giving time to all the important things in our lives is tricky but we all do our best, don't we?! And that is the only truth.
Nothing can match the time I spend at home with my little family either.
I love reading your posts, real and always something I can relate too. Thanks x
But what about when it doesn't make OTHER PEOPLE happy?! Hm. I guess you just have to take that on the chin…
http://pinterest.com/pin/141441244517321387/
Hey Pip! Just read your post and find it resonates well with me. I love my life, I am blissfully happily married, with a career I always wanted, spend every waking hour doing things I love doing. It may not be the most glamorous lifestyle, but I wouldn't change it for the world ! Whatever makes you happy makes you happy!
"Comparison is the their of joy" – Theodore Roosevelt
“Instead of comparing our lot with that of those who are more fortunate than we are, we should compare it with the lot of the great majority of our fellow humans. It then appears that we are among the privileged.” -Helen Keller
I read this lastnight, but I was in bed and reading on my iPhone so it was far too hard to comment!
Even though I seem to have more free time than most, it's impossible to keep up with everything and everyone. I can go for weeks without seeing my favourite peeps, but at least we can keep up with each other online when we can't IRL.
It's just really hard to do everything we want!
" take OFF the fish eye lens " —> typo alert!
I think you are right. I DO have very high expectations of myself. I need to keep those in check a bit more. Take of the fish eye lens and enjoy the panorama. I am going to take my own advice xx
It is really cold outside! And home is SO nice, isn't it?! Sigh. x
Hello Clare-fellow-homebody! Thanks for taking the time to share your view and how it is for you. I appreciate it! xxx
Perfect post. In between work and being a homebody I know I need to make more time to get connected with real people but it can be hard when everybody works different hours and such, plus, it's really really cold outside at the moment and nobody wants to go outside when it's cold. Tea and crochet and tv sounds much more exciting.
Thanks for another thought provoking post 🙂
This was definitely a post with a difference. I took my time to read it and then read it again. My first though is that people have felt this way in the past – pre-social-networking – the feeling that everyone else is doing better than you, that things are better over there. But it's now difficult to hide that feeling. You're so exposed to it all. Now there's more pressure to find your place in it rather than simply sit back and just be where you are. It's put a lot of people on edge…
The second point you make sounds like you do have high expectations of yourself. But so many of us do and you shouldn't feel bad about that. The trick is not to feel so disappointed with yourself when they're not met. That's the hard bit.
We want more hours in the day because we want what's on offer now (social networking) as well as still treasure the lovelies of our past (tea and biscuits with our friends). And frankly none of us are willing to let any of it go. Therein lies the dilemma (well, I certainly didn't promise a solution!)
My favourite part of this post with the eloquence with which you have defined my problem – with updated edits and glossy posts it is a challenge to find my own real-life panorama amongst it all. Oh yes indeed it is.
No you are! xx
Morning Pip 🙂
I do like reading things like this on here. I like hearing how people feel about things. Honestly. I am a homebody too and I like my little space. Sometimes I feel like I'm not getting 'out there' and doing enough 'cool stuff'. But I am happy! So there!
I do get jealous of people's fantastic shoes. I love shoes.
And I agree with you on the pressure to keep up the conversation. I only have a small wee blog, but I always like to try and reply to emails and comments – but sometimes I don't have the time! Then I feel bad!
I do think I need to make an effort to do more real life connecting, even though it takes a bit more organising, rather than connecting (like now) in my pjs in front of the computer (but sometimes that's okay too!)
Anyway, I liked this post. Thanks! Have a great day ~ I hope you fit some crochet in 🙂
It's hard isn't it? To balance it all? And it's hard not to feel like you're missing the mark sometimes, I think..! Thanks for taking the time to comment, Rachel! x
I like YOUR thoughts, Carolyn. It's an interesting new-media-age kind of tussle, I think! Thanks so much for reading and for writing how it is for you. x
Well, I do not know! But I am glad that it kind of makes sense!!! xx
Thanks for making things real Pip, I think I am my worst Judge and Jury, I do read a lot of awesome blogs and wonder how they do it all and why my life is such a MASSIVE balancing act ALL THE TIME. I am always trying to be the best mother I can be (feeding my kids well, being there for their sports, running them to and from sports, working hard to be able to pay for a good education, and in between trying to be ever present when they need me), putting in 100% at work, keeping house and garden, fitting in me time, fitting in adult time with my partner and friends, and of course the most important…. fitting in minutes of crochet here and there, sheesh, I am tired already thinking about this all and it's 5.50am, and why have I been up for nearly an hour so far….. to try and keep this balancing act balanced and not falling too much to the dark side, bubbles at the end of the day also help some 😀 Mx
I think you must have read my mind! Either that or you read the blog post I wrote on Thursday night with the same undertones. I was also tempted to delete it until a lovely message made me realise that there is nothing wrong with being honest. I am not really the superwoman I like to pretend I am. I am a bit emotional and struggle to find my 'fit' sometimes. I loved reading your blog and I am very glad you shared your thoughts. I am getting a bit bored with reading blogs about perfect homes that look like nobody lives in them with instruction about how I can do it too. I am just struggling to keep mine tidy!! Your blog is a refereshing and amusing place which makes me smile 🙂
I think you just said it all so perfectly, Pip, that it is difficult to comment. In this age of connectedness there is a constant feeling of 'push pull' – well, at least that is how I experience it. There is that feeling of being pulled towards the apparent shininess of what we see on blogs, in the media and we can aim to replicate those images in our own lives but then, for me, there is also that sense of needing to pull away from that because that is nit my life. My life is in my own home with my own beautiful family and gorgeous friends and all the demand, but also the choices, that I want to make in living my life with those people. Thanks for posting your thoughts, Pip .
Maybe everyone is like me and started a comment but had nothing to add. I think you covered it Pip and most people will relate.
This is a great post Pip. My own interaction is from the outside…I read plenty of fab blogs, but don't have one myself.I don't facebook or twitter and I don't know what instagram or pinterest is. I don't do it because I don't want to get absorbed in it…I have been prone to that in the past and my real life suffered for it, so I made the decision.
However I still feel engaged by making comments in other people's blogs and definitely feel inspired by their projects, words of wisdom, thrifting finds, recipes…I do enjoy it and I'm very glad you posted after all!
It is perfect!
Wow that post really resonated with me Pip, I do find it hard to get the balance right. I also find the comparing thing really toxic, always looking at people with more, bigger, better is just so unhelpful – I try to always think of those with less and feel lucky, but it's not always easy. The internet is a magical thing, but like magic in fairy tales it has its good and bad sides; I suppose the trick is to know when to step away from the PC and take time out for the face to face contact that we all need and value. I have made great online friends through blogging but the people that I spend time with in 'real' life shouldn't miss out on my attention as a result! Thanks for sharing. Rachel 🙂