I think she’d WANT me to do my own and thus the POOP Christmas Gift Guide is at your service. Right now. Here. Today … You’re so welcome, hun!
Here’s all the special things you didn’t know you and your nearest/dearest needed/would be alarmed by this festive season.
Salty Pup Who Has No Time For Your Nonsense – £5,490.68
Life size. “Back of dog open for use as umbrella or stick stand.” Not vegan.
“A suitable vessel for keeping all your precious jewels safe.” Indeedy-do.
Off the shoulder/frosted lip vibes. Taken by Andy Warhol.
“Incorporating black script displaying ‘Just it up again’ segmented with an illustration of a pitchfork; it can be determined this agricultural tool to symbolises the word ‘dig’.” I beg to differ. #ForkItUp
Disappointed Panther Bracelet – £141,304.17
A total steal at 141 billionty pounds. Quite cross-looking. Very mood. “Only worn once or twice.”
Hard To Fathom Monkey On Chair* – £3,800
* Shabby chic.
Netherlandish 16th Century Baby Throwing A Gang Sign – £22,608.67
Relatably depicts mother wondering where she went wrong/wishing baby had not pulled the curtains down again.
“This is a pair of scissors and a comb used by Neil Amstrong’s barber, Marx Sizemore, to cut the Moonwalker’s hair. They are accompanied by 25 strands of Armstrong’s hair.”
What’s the heck, MARX?
Perturbing Life-sized Laurel and Hardy – £28,500
Perfect to put in the living room window to deter burglars if you are going away OR as a stealthy stand in for yourself if you just can’t even with Uncle Jock’s sozzled behaviour at Christmas lunch.
I hope you enjoyed this trip through some of the POOP things you hadn’t realised you needed to know about. Much love to you and yours.