:: It Doesn’t Mean They Hate You!


The internet is a breeding ground for insecurity and FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). The simplest things can be misinterpreted and before you know it we’ve got a total (hypothetical) catastrophe playing out in our heads. Here’s some advice on how to handle communicating with the other humans online.

1. If someone doesn’t reply to your email, it doesn’t mean they hate you. Often it means they are overwhelmed with email or that your email may even have gone to spam! Keep trying!

2. If someone doesn’t talk to you much on social media, it doesn’t mean they hate you. Often it means they are not even seeing your posts because Facebook is sucky like that and/or they are following lots of people and thus inundated or they don’t use social media that much.

3. If people don’t comment on your updates or blog posts, it doesn’t mean they hate you. Probably they are busy or just not seeing what you post.

4. If people aren’t inviting you to stuff and you are seeing them having fun without you on Facebook, it doesn’t mean they hate you. It probably means you need to catch up a bit more often with those people so they know you are keen and not super-busy. People often think other people are super busy and preempting a declined invite they don’t bother to ask.


no crimes here


5. If people are proving hard to contact, it doesn’t mean they hate you. It can mean that they are doing their best, but it’s just hard to cut through life’s workload. Find their phone number and give them a ring. Keep trying! You can do it!

6. If people are doing awesome stuff in the same field as you, it doesn’t mean they hate you. It probably means that you guys share similar interests and they are trying to make their way and be successful just like you! Congratulate and/or befriend them! Collaborate, don’t compete.

7. If someone doesn’t reply to that message you sent them on Facebook or Twitter, it doesn’t mean they hate you. It probably means they don’t have message notifications switched on OR that your message ended up in the ‘others’ folder on Facebook or that they are overwhelmed and holding their head in their hands because they get so many messages. Try a more traditional form of contact (rather than doing the easy thing and knocking a message up on social media). Write to them snail mail style or ring them up or try a polite email instead. (Similarly if you tag someone, they may not see the tag. It doesn’t mean they hate you!)

8. If someone doesn’t talk to you at an event, it doesn’t mean they hate you. It probably means that they are shy, feeling overwhelmed, distracted by a presentation they may be about to give, could not get around to chat to everyone or might have been wondering why you weren’t talking to them. Take the initiative and go say hello and if that person seems inundated, find a way to connect afterwards via email or whatever. Don’t hold it against them because social occasions are often too social for their own good (or a bit daunting for many!)

9. If someone doesn’t acknowledge something you sent them, it doesn’t mean they hate you. It may mean that they haven’t got to that yet, that they are not sure how to respond (maybe they don’t usually get things sent to them) or that they have responded but you missed it. It’s totally okay to send a note or email saying, ‘I hope you liked the thing! I’m so happy that you are around!’ Be proactive.

10. If someone does something you don’t understand or advocate, it doesn’t mean they hate you. It probably means that they had good reasons or intentions and you might not be aware of those. Lighten up and allow others the freedom to live and express themselves in their own way. Trust that they are doing what works for them (even if it doesn’t make sense to you!)

Phew. You’re all sorted out now!

x Pip

  • Chris
    May 17, 2016 at 8:35 PM

    … or they have really big issues and think that they DO hate you. So … move on!

  • Blaza
    February 5, 2015 at 11:13 AM

    Pure Gold!
    Thanks Pip.
    Mwah! Mwah!

  • Emma Galloway
    February 4, 2015 at 11:38 PM

    Looooove this Pip!! xx

  • Veggie mama
    February 4, 2015 at 10:21 PM

    i opposite of hate you <3

  • pinkfluffywarrior
    January 18, 2015 at 2:13 AM

    Thank you for posting this it was just what I need to hear today!!!!!!!!!
    Your blog is awesome by the way!!!!

  • priest's wife @byzcathwife
    January 15, 2015 at 4:29 PM

    hahaha- i JUST discovered that I have ignored about 20 facebook messages that went into a different whatever- OOPS! but also as an INFP- so many of these scenarios resonate (overly sensitive here)

  • Melissa
    January 15, 2015 at 8:06 AM

    You’ve touched upon something that has been nagging me a long time. The internet and particularly social media has become a strange extension of ourselves. I have learnt so much in the past 5 years because of online tutes. Which is fantastic. But there is something about social media that can overfeed our neuroses.

  • Dot
    January 14, 2015 at 6:38 PM

    Pip, you are one wise lady!
    I have been the person who you talk to with this post – 2015 is the year that it stops for me. It’s not as difficult s I thought it might be either.
    I’ve popped a link to this article in my blog so that I can come back to it and read it every time I feel crappy because of social media.
    Thanks for always having a positive outlook on life! It just makes my day!

  • Sam
    January 14, 2015 at 5:27 PM

    Love this Pip! Gosh what is it with FOMO!!!! I find myself getting caught up in this which annoys me & being the sensitive little buttercup I am 😛 I also forget that the online world is HECTIC (let alone life in general!) & sometimes I take things personally. I also feel REALLY bad if I’ve missed someones comment/question & panic that they’ll think I hate them! Thanks for the reminder that ‘It doesn’t mean they hate me!’ and sorting me out Pip! 🙂

  • Courtney
    January 14, 2015 at 10:29 AM

    So much YES! Very well written Pip. I especially loved this: “Collaborate, don’t compete”.

  • Vanessa
    January 14, 2015 at 8:02 AM

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for spreading a bit of common sense! Sometimes we all need a bit of a reminder that it’s not all about us – other people have stuff going on too.
    Love your work again Pip!

  • RebeccaHJ
    January 13, 2015 at 11:45 PM

    So wonderfully true and refreshing to read and remind each other of! Thanks Pip, as always 🙂

  • Alyson
    January 13, 2015 at 11:08 PM

    Totally! I have a habit of writing protracted replies/letters etc in my head…and then forgetting that I actually haven’t done it in real life….but I also know that when I’m feeling blah, I have a tendency to be thin skinned about things that are really out of my control…I try to spot it coming now and remind myself of exactly all you’ve written.

  • Rebecca
    January 13, 2015 at 9:49 PM

    Thank you, Pip, for your very grounding and valuable advice. Much appreciated.

  • Bec
    January 13, 2015 at 9:17 PM

    Some very wise words there!!! Nice to hear x

  • Malinda @mybrownpaperpackages
    January 13, 2015 at 8:21 PM

    So true!!! I think we all need reminding of this sometimes, from both sides.

  • Rachel
    January 13, 2015 at 8:10 PM

    Yay! What a fabulous post Pip! So true. As I was reading this I wanted to shout ‘hip-hip hooray, woo-hoo, fabbo, YES YES YES!!!’ Like so many others I have been both the non-responder AND the person wondering if they hate me and the way you have articulated this is perfect. Go you!

  • Romy Sai
    January 13, 2015 at 7:45 PM

    Gosh yes. Sometimes I get all sensitive because the barista didn’t smile at me or something. Hush, brain. “It doesn’t mean they hate you” should be a mantra for some of us. Thanks Pip x

  • jan
    January 13, 2015 at 7:12 PM

    Pip, you’re sweet! Great advice! Hope you’re well!

  • Lucy
    January 13, 2015 at 4:42 PM

    What a great post Pip! I think it could just apply to life in general – things get busy so easily and sometimes things are misconstrued. Love it!

  • Stacey
    January 13, 2015 at 2:40 PM

    great post! I’ll have to find it on facebook and share – quite often I’m in the middle of something when I get a text or message and think, I’ll respond later. And forget! And sometimes I don’t comment on blogs because I can’t get past that “I’m not a robot” thing. I always feel a bit guilty about that. And silly. Like why can’t I work out what they want me to type??

  • Deb Baker
    January 13, 2015 at 2:40 PM

    This is such great advice. The online world of communicating can be a tricky one to navigate especially for oldies like me. This is super helpful. Everyone’s just trying their best and I’m sure no one means to be intrusive or rude. And to understand that they are not hated. Such sensible advice. xx

  • Simone
    January 13, 2015 at 2:00 PM

    This is fantastic Pip!! Loved reading this post xx

  • Georgia
    January 13, 2015 at 1:42 PM

    This is a brilliant post Pip. It’s something I really needed to read today. Thank you!

  • Reannon @shewhorambles
    January 13, 2015 at 1:29 PM

    Pip, you are so sensible & right & kind x

  • Sarah
    January 13, 2015 at 1:21 PM

    Such lovely, kind and wise words Pip. S x

  • Carly Findlay
    January 13, 2015 at 1:01 PM

    This is a great post! I think people (me included) forget that others don’t use or interact on social media as much as them. FOMO online is a killer.
    Hope you’re doing ok x

  • look see. by naomi fenton
    January 13, 2015 at 12:43 PM

    I’m glad you wrote this, Pip. It’s awesome 🙂

  • Annette
    January 13, 2015 at 12:43 PM

    Oh all the YES!!!
    So so SO easy to get these things wrong and FORGET how different communication online is – here we have way less clues to help us not get it totally wrong
    I am so happy to read this Pip. Good on you.
    I’ve seen and read people’s crankiness over exactly these things and you’ve captured exactly what I wanted to say but couldn’t articulate. It doesn’t mean they hate you!!

    Brilliant posting, lady.

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