Creativity Hello Pip-Life

… And You Don’t Have To Win Everyone Over

 

Do you remember when I wrote that post called ‘It Doesn’t Mean They Hate You!’? Lots of people read that post and talked to me about it, which was ace. It’s always good, as a blogger, when people want to talk to you about the things you write. (And thanks if you did!)

Today, I’ve been thinking a lot about when people don’t like you much. Or aren’t into your work. And how that feels. And how easy/difficult that can be to reconcile.

As an adult, I’ve always been the kind of person who’s thought ‘If they just gave me a chance, they’d like me…! I just need to show them what they’re missing out on!’

As a child, I wasn’t nearly as concerned with whether people liked me. I pretty much assumed they just would. I figured I was nice and kind and smart. Basically what was NOT to like?

Now that I’m an adult (and a blogger/writer), things are less rose-coloured, of course. I’ve learned that not everyone is for everyone, some people will not give a toss about me and my palaver. No amount of putting my best foot forward is going to change their mind. I must admit that it’s something I’ve struggled with at times.

I think people, but especially women, are struggling with this ‘approval addiction’ (14.00 in this video). We want people to like us. We might think that’s part of being a good or successful person. We may be censoring our lives through a sort of fine, fearful filter of ‘is this going to be okay with everyone else?’

(My friend Catherine says lots of women are living their lives pre-empting the reactions of others… rather than doing what’s true to them. In the end their behaviour is a hybrid reaction to what everyone MIGHT want and there’s very little heart in it at all. And that’s sad.)

But back to the bit where people don’t like you. And how thinking they SHOULD doesn’t mean they will. I didn’t realise this at first. I figured that if you had the best of intentions and were friendly and kind, that the world would fall at your feet. Weirdly, the world didn’t. Imagine it? Gasp.

Once, after a blogging conference, a lovely blogger came up to me for a chat and said something like ‘people give you a ‘bum rap‘ sometimes Pip, but you’re actually really great!’. Um. Once a group of bloggers I was working with accidentally hit REPLY ALL after a couple of them had delivered quite the stinging attack on my work. Er. Once someone trolled me quite mercilessly for a year or so, sending me nasty comments and even nastier emails. Eek. Once someone said my dog dying was karma. Huh? Once someone sent me an envelope full of HAIR with a note that said ‘snip snip snip’. WHAT?!

I mean really, I could go on and on. There are ‘bored’ or ‘uninspring’ book reviews, there are snarky chat threads, there are imagined slights and fabricated wrong-doings. Still. I prefer those to HAIR.

Thankfully, I’m actually starting to feel a lot better about it all. Well, maybe all except the hair.

When I read Dani Shapiro’s piece about not being everyone’s cup of tea today, I realised that I’m JUST NOW starting to be okay with that. It made me want to write about it too. I’M NOT EVERYONE’S CUP OF TEA!!!

I now know that it’s totally okay to not win everyone over. I know that I don’t have to see the people who don’t ‘get me’ as some kind of Survivor-like challenge waiting to be conquered.

I don’t even want to conquer anyone, anymore. If someone doesn’t want to understand me or my work, or doesn’t like my work (or me, gulp!) then that’s totally okay. That’s their thing. Go them!

Today, after I’d been thinking about this (perhaps in light of lots of slightly exposing interviews and a new book release), a really weird couple of things happened. The first thing was that I saw my book ‘Sew La Tea Do’ at Savers (the big secondhand outlet). I’d always thought I’d feel sad if I saw my book at an op shop, but I actually didn’t care! They’d even put it nicely in a cabinet with all the fancier stuff.

Later in the day, in a buy and sell group on Facebook TWO OTHER books I’ve written were offered up for sale. (Note that for me, today was the first time I’d seen my books donated or passed on.) But I was okay with that too! Hazaa!

Lives change, interests change, people change, finances change, spaces change and that’s okay.  A more fragile me may have felt that this was some kind of rejection, but people WILL lose interest in what I’m doing or need to cull their books or move onto the work of others and that’s okay! (Maybe I DID leave a comment merrily remarking that those books were nice and really well written, but I was just being cute, I swear!)

The thing is, people are going to drift in and out of your life and work. And maybe some won’t even stop to pass the time of day.  And maybe they might send you some hair (but I hope not) And maybe they have other things/people on their radar. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean they’re missing out. Or that you’re missing out. Maybe it’s personal. Maybe its not. It’s just the way life is.

You don’t have to win everyone over.
I don’t have to win everyone over.
Everything is okay.
I am glad we had this chat.
Love to you.

 

pip signature

more reading pink

The Good Stuff
Unfinished Business
The Social Club
Twelve Things You Might Like To Watch (Or Rewatch) On TV
Why Slowing Down Is The New Speeding Up
Have Your Pie And Eat It Too!

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48 Comments

  • Reply
    Ang
    July 5, 2015 at 5:50 PM

    You are definitely my cup of tea, Pip! You will never know how much your words have helped me … and continue to help and inspire me every time you create a new post. I have a friend who keeps telling me she wants to be me when she grows up … well, I think I want to be you! Have a great day xx

  • Reply
    Corinne
    June 4, 2015 at 2:38 AM

    That thing about being liked or approved is an illusion… Always remember that at the end you are still the same YOU whatever they think… and those who do harm others with hair (so weird) or words or anything… they hurt themselves a lot more… just think of the bad karma they are creating for themselves… Enjoy your life all the same and they will just fade out…

  • Reply
    Kathy
    June 4, 2015 at 1:00 AM

    I always find it odd that some people expect everyone to like them! I mean why would they? I am always pleasantly surprised if anyone does like me. It always amazes me actually. Is that because I don’t think I am a nice person? Well not really, I mean who can actually know that though about themselves I mean? I try to be nice and it is important to me, but am I? Perhaps I have lower standards in nice than other people, so why not let other people decide if they think I am nice or not? Who knows by what criterea other people are judging. Perhaps the criteria is one I don’t rate very highly myself, so their opinion on me is not so important as I person I respect and value. I think it is up to other people to decide if they like me. Why would it be true that the more they got to know me, the more they would like me? The reverse is actually true of many people. Many people seem nice, but in fact are not so nice – in my opinion only of course, which they are free to disgard. Some people might seem a bit off when you meet them but are actually lovely people with good hearts. It is easy to confuse behaviour with acttal intent and a persons actual character. People often seek to obfuscate their real selves with their behaviour in order to be liked. I find that a problem! Some of the ‘nicest’ people, really actually aren’t. Some of these try hard people you can easily recognise, others you can’t. Sometimes you may even marry one of them and repent at leisure. Nice is not easy to fathom.

    I am not a people pleaser, which does not mean I go out of my way to upset others. Quite the contrary. However, I decide for myself if I am happy with my own self and my own behaviour. That’s all I can do. Liking and disliking is often not even based on rationale. I can dislike a person sitting in front of me on the bus. I just do -chemistry or something else going on! Or someone dawdling on the pavement. That may or may not change according to what I find out about them if I get to actually know them. Some people are just not on our wave length or in our atmoshphere. You don’t have to be mean about them and nor they me. But expecting everyone to like us? That’s weird to me.

    Maybe when you are bullied at school and people don’t like you, you learn and grow and realsise it doesn’t matter? Some people like me and I like some people. I find that quite a good match! I’m happy with that.

  • Reply
    Helen Edwards
    June 2, 2015 at 4:07 PM

    you are definitely lots of people’s cup of tea and just how I like mine, strong, a dash of soft creamy milk, leave the bag in so it can stew a while and always from a fine china cup. As a person who grew up wanting everyone to like me, and only recently letting that go to focus on people who may actually really like me without any major input or worrying about changing who I am, it is so bloody freeing. Fabulous as usual – I will take mine with a side of crochet and a hot buttery toast xx

  • Reply
    Bec @ The Plumbette
    May 31, 2015 at 8:28 PM

    A great post Pip. I’m sorry people have gone to a lot of effort to tell you they dont like you. It says more about them than you. My dad was the one who told me not to expect everyone to like me when I started working. But just because he said that to me didn’t mean I was more prepared for when people didn’t like me. In some ways it helped me when I did my apprenticeship though. It made sense when someone didn’t like me or was threatened by my presence because we didn’t share the same values. I need to bookmark this post though when I do need a reminder about how to respond to not being liked. X

  • Reply
    Sandra Kelly
    May 29, 2015 at 10:15 PM

    So wise… are you sure you didn’t write this just for me? Sure feels like it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Pip. Xx

  • Reply
    Karin
    May 26, 2015 at 10:31 PM

    You got a nice review at the Swedish craft-site Hemslöjd (that’s how I found you!)! So even if some people don’t like what you do, loads of people do. Read it here: http://www.hemslojd-tidningen.se/zickermans/make-hey-while-the-sun-shines/
    Hemslöjd (which means handicrafts, and used to be quite frowned upon) is also a magazine, they’ve reinvented themselves and are like THE most inspiring and cool now, very up to date. I’m really impressed, you should check it out (google translate…!)
    AND I really like your site (didn’t have the time to look more than briefly, but I will)!

  • Reply
    Ana
    May 26, 2015 at 7:05 PM

    Oh, thanks so much for putting it on to paper! This is so familiar, on different levels, but sooo true! On the positive side, what I want to tell you that I have just purchased my own copy of “Craft for the soul”. Click click click – purchased, will arrive by the end of this week! I am loving it 😉 I have this library copy and so enjoy reading it, but I like to take page by page and think over what you wrote. So my library loan expires next week and I have not finished your book yet, just because there is a lot to think about. I regret it is available in English only, I’d love my dad to read it to get some optimism boost – he is the saddest, the most depressed person, I ever knew, who does not know what happy is… Not able to experience even a little bit of happy… Or nice, as you say…. So, if you’ll ever consider publishing this book in another language (Russian, preferably ;)) please please please do! 😉 thanks so much for your book, it is a true gift to people like me and my dad. E.g. my mum knows the stuff you write about, she knows how to be happy and appreciate nice moments. She was born that way. She just did not write a book about that, but I am glad that you did! 😉 Thank you!

  • Reply
    Camille
    May 26, 2015 at 3:41 PM

    I so needed to read this post today, I was just talking to my husband today about how it bothers me when someone doesn’t like me, because maybe they just don’t understand me, or whatever, but I need to let that go! I’m so glad I’m not alone in feeling this way, it gives me strength to not worry about it so much! Pip you are totally my cup of tea! 🙂

  • Reply
    Emily
    May 25, 2015 at 3:32 PM

    Totally needed this. It’s something I’ve been thinking about. A lot. Along with a whole lot of existential (emo) stuff lately. Sometimes people’s opinions of you have nothing to do with you. And even if they do, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t make you any less you or any less of a good person.

  • Reply
    Regina
    May 25, 2015 at 2:57 PM

    I got your new book for Mothers Day Pip and I love it…. I am actually taking a leaf out of your book and getting up early to read it because I am too tired at night. I would be stoked if I found any of your other books in the op shop and consider that quite a find! I often worry about what others think and just when I think I have grown out of it…hahaha it can sneak up on me unexpectedly. I don’t comment often but I always love your blog. Thank you for being you.

  • Reply
    Pia
    May 25, 2015 at 2:38 PM

    Pip!
    These trolls are the exact reason that I am holding myself back – I am TERRIFIED of ever becoming a success, because the natural following will be ‘hate’.
    I can see that I must just find a way to accept this – take a teaspoon of cement . . . . , I guess.
    Thanks for your wisdom.
    <3
    Pia

  • Reply
    Bec R
    May 25, 2015 at 11:49 AM

    Really loved this post Pip (well, except the part about people being nasty and weird to you!). I’ve actually come back to it a few times over the weekend to re-read as it’s something I’ve struggled with too! Thank you for sharing 🙂

  • Reply
    Ruth
    May 25, 2015 at 6:13 AM

    Hey Pip, big virtual hugs for you. If I found your book in an op shop I’d giggle, grab it with glee and run home quickly. I might already have a copy though so I might have to give it to one of my daughters, but they would also love it. Too bad there are some strange behaviours out there hey, but all you can do is be who you are and be ok with that. We can’t control everything and everyone and why would we want to. Happy crafting, stay happy.

  • Reply
    xine
    May 25, 2015 at 1:14 AM

    Ha HA Ms Pip……. I think it’s the *new* mature, more *worldly* you AND US that have just read this blog and felt it necessary to acknowledge this *phenomena*called peer approval. I think it stems from the school play ground turf wars of “whose side are you on?”

    As I read your blog and scrolled down through the replies it occurred to me that we may not have been given the skills to deal with opinions, constructive criticism, conflict resolution, love and of course the *falling out of flavour* thang……….. These concepts tools are use more in adult life (we hope) rather than as kids. I personally think that as children / adolescents we are busy at “just being”, a very basic manner of living that some would consider selfish. Perhaps it’s the prehistoric cave clan psychology that we are born with at infancy.

    Sure, all this wonderful wit, & wisdom we share now would have been helpful during the formative years however I think it would have fallen on deaf ears. When we were youngER, we knew everything….RIGHT? Nah-ah, as they say “youth is wasted on the young” sometimes.

    I don’t think any of us were listening to common sense or understood personal choice. However like you, I am becoming more comfortable being in my skin. I know more about myself now AND thankfully I am still learning.

    As individuals, with certain opinions and personas (YES, we all have different ‘masks’ for different occasions or people) we must consider that there are other people out there with their own thoughts and opinions. We might not always like, agree or appreciate contrasting beliefs however this doesn’t necessary mean that we should take it personally or that any opinion is right or wrong.
    Gaining a better understanding from different views should encourage appreciable discovery.

    So long as we are TRUE to ourselves in doing our best, to agree to disagree if we differ in opinion, not to intentionally hurt anyone or thing AND to try even just a little bit to make our mark on the world a better place than the way we found it when we came in, then we have done well…..yes?

    I am glad we had this chat too.
    Cheers to you and all. 🙂

  • Reply
    Kit
    May 24, 2015 at 10:24 PM

    I’ve been so busy trying to win everyone over that I haven’t even managed to win MYSELF over yet. Now just to figure out how to be one’s own cup of tea!

  • Reply
    Melissa
    May 24, 2015 at 6:47 PM

    I am totally a ‘people pleaser’ so can totally relate to this. I can’t understand anyone being so crazy and nasty to you, what the!?! Anyway, great post Pip 🙂

  • Reply
    look see. by naomi fenton
    May 24, 2015 at 5:24 PM

    Ohmygoodness. The hair? I’m a bit gobsmacked at that! And the bit about your dog, too! My mum always says that it takes all sorts in this world – and it really, really does.

  • Reply
    Janin
    May 24, 2015 at 3:10 PM

    It took me some time too to understand that not everyone can be “won” over and that that is actually ok. I mean I do not like everyone I meet either, so why should everyone else like me?
    But the hair thing is just gross! Don’t people have better thing to do?(…I guess some do not…)

    Actually I brought one of your books in pristine condition at a fleamarket. The woman was gifted with it, but it was not her style at all, so I got it for a nice price. I was so so so excited because I do not live in an english speaking country and it is so seldom to find english books at fleamarkets let alone anything related to DIY.
    Maybe it might help to think about the people who buy your used books who might otherwise not have the means to easily to so?

  • Reply
    Fiona
    May 24, 2015 at 3:03 PM

    Hey Pip, thank you for opening your heart. My daughter last night had a breakdown crying lots and asking me why people dont like her. (Something she has struggled with for a long time, well since a bullied primary schooling) She is so pretty, smart and her heart is so beautiful. She makes cupcakes when her friends at School are sad, fundraises, and generallty puts herself out to make people feel happier or just help them. It crushes me that she hurts and i can’t understand why people don’t fall over themselves to be her fried. i sure would have treasured her when i was a teenager. So I will show her this and maybe it may help her. Thank you

  • Reply
    Joanne Tracey
    May 24, 2015 at 2:51 PM

    I’ve just self-published my first novel- and it’s the scariest thing I’ve ever done because of the what ifs- none of which I can control. What if no one buys it? What if no one likes it? What if I get a bad review? What if people don’t like me?
    I needed to read this post- and I needed to have read it right now. Thank you.

  • Reply
    Melissa G
    May 24, 2015 at 2:00 PM

    I haven’t quite reached that point of accepting that some people just don’t like me. I mean I get the whole ‘people are like electrons and protons’. But it still hurts when people make an assessment of me without knowing all the facts. Yes! I want everyone to like me, but it’s not going to happen.
    I think the reactions you receive are sometimes acts of jealousy.

  • Reply
    Deanna
    May 24, 2015 at 11:55 AM

    Hey Pip,

    I wish you had written this when I was a teenager 🙂 Although I may not have ‘got’ it. The part about pre-emting the reactions of others is really true for me, and it is so silly! Still trying to work on it 🙁 Thank you again for a super ace post, I love reading these. You make it all sound so simple, and I guess it should be! Not everyone likes everyone or everything and that’s cool. So simple, but often so difficult.
    Hugs xo

  • Reply
    Jessie Reid
    May 24, 2015 at 11:14 AM

    Such a good, important read. I have come to realise how much I appreciate people being authentically THEMSELVES and even if we have different interests or opinions I will always respect authenticity in the way someone behaves above all else. It makes me sad that people think they need to please other people and that other people criticise in this way.

  • Reply
    Kate
    May 24, 2015 at 10:03 AM

    This is a great piece. As a university professor who really, really believes in the importance of what I teach, it can be really difficult to hear that students don’t connect with the material, or worse, don’t feel like they connect with me. What you wrote is an excellent reminder to do my best, but remember that it is OK to not be every student’s absolute favorite life-changing prof.

    And the hair…yikes. That is just bizarre! Though you made me laugh with the wish that none of your readers will be mailed hair. Thank you for sharing your experience, wit, & wisdom!

  • Reply
    Lara
    May 24, 2015 at 9:38 AM

    Hi there Pip,
    I reckon that this is one of the hardest things and one of the most important! That acknowledgement that we’re not always someone else’s cup of tea – and being okay with that. Think that I might meditate on this one a whole lot more – and talk about it with my girls. I remember AGES ago reading some study that said something like in general for no real reason one third of people will like you, one third won’t, and the other third could go either way. I found that helpful too!
    And I am really enjoying your latest book, by the way!
    But HAIR? What the?

  • Reply
    Shelley
    May 24, 2015 at 9:13 AM

    I was giving my 5 year old daughter a morning cuddle/pep talk about this very thing today (first year at school and already wondering why not everyone is her ‘friend’). I realised at the end of our chat I needed to give myself the very same pep talk, which you have illustrated so well here. Thank you. x

  • Reply
    Catherine
    May 24, 2015 at 7:23 AM

    Such a good read Pip – what I love about your style is that I can imagine you sharing this stuff over tea and scones, talking gently with a friend who might not realise that she’s trying so hard to have everyone love her and forgetting to love herself.

    HAIR! Goodness that’s all kinds of crazy.

  • Reply
    Schmo
    May 24, 2015 at 4:59 AM

    Dear Pip-A-Rooni,
    What a lovely peace. Growing a little wiser everyday. Reconciling, recalibrating, and look – recycling too !!
    I would have swooped on it ! I’m a Gardener who has been working for a lovely shy Peruvian woman for well over a year. We (our Family) went through an awful time this year, and i found myself having a few cups of tea with her before work. Things have picked up again, and as a thank you i gifted her your latest book. You would have thought i gifted her El Dorado ! We are also now booked in for a crochet class (http://hamlin.org.au/crochet-for-a-cause/) together. So your book has been the catalyst for our friendship growing deeper, learning something crafty together for a good cause, and sharing the Pip love ! Where one book door closes – or reopens by a 2nd chance of life in an Op shop – Another book door opens !

  • Reply
    Jennifer
    May 24, 2015 at 2:37 AM

    Thank you for writing this. I think we can all use a reminder sometimes. I’ve been blogging for a couple of years and I remember that when I first started, everyone was so excited to have a new blog to read and people flocked to it. I got tons of followers right away. Over the past few months, I’ve realized that a lot of those people were really just looking for people to follow their blogs and they must have assumed that by following mine, I’d automatically follow back and help boost their popularity. I had this dawning moment recently where I realized that it’s okay to only read the blogs I like. It never really occurred to me before but it’s a wonderful thing!

  • Reply
    Zena
    May 23, 2015 at 10:49 PM

    Pip, you really are inspiring and share-ware kind. That’s okay if your book is for sale through second hand avenues because the people who go on to buy them really love you and what your about. Imagine a crafty thrifter with tight funds, finding your book would make their day. I’m super sensitive and it hurts when people don’t reciprocate my friendliness and kindness. Also jealousy is just so toxic and gets the better of some people. I think you are the bees knees. Keep on crafting and putting yourself out there and try to ignore the haters. The lovers like us just love you, love crafting, love share ware and just love xx

  • Reply
    Cindy G.
    May 23, 2015 at 10:42 PM

    First of all, if I saw one of your books at a secondhand shop, I’d snap it up in an instant (even if I already have it- I know exactly who I would pass it on to!). And second, while I try to be nice and find the good in people (and often give people way more chances than they deserve), there are plenty of people who just rub me the wrong way. So, when I encounter someone (or hear about someone) who doesn’t fancy me, I remind myself that I don’t always like everyone either! It helps me get past hurt feelings very quickly 🙂

  • Reply
    michele
    May 23, 2015 at 10:39 PM

    Who would have thought? Its nice for people to open up about this stuff because i think everyone struggles with this to some degree.

    Someone once said to me: there are three tribes; the ones who totally wont get you no matter what you do; the ones who will think you are ok but are a bit “meh”. Then there are the ones who totally get you and are easy to hang with and make you feel at home. These are your tribe. Dont bother with the other 2 groups. Nothing will make a difference there. Focus on your tribe.

  • Reply
    MelBee
    May 23, 2015 at 10:31 PM

    Hi Pip,
    I don’t know how you do it, but so often it’s like you are channeling me and so many other people out there. Our feelings, so exactly. But with such honesty, kindness, and a good dose of happiness.
    And I for one find it very helpful. You keep it real.
    Since discovering your totally ace website and blog a few years ago whilst searching for some cool and modern crochet patterns, I have waxed lyrical about it to all my friends. Because I think both you and your work is a fab cup of tea that they need a regular sip from.
    MelBee

  • Reply
    Annette
    May 23, 2015 at 10:16 PM

    Pip – I just love this post.
    I think it is actually kind of great to let that worry about everyone liking us go.
    I really like to like the peeps I like and then there are some other peeps that I might not feel the likey love for – which saves me a LOT of money in texting everyone and sending them snail mail and going out for coffee (and vice versa).
    Seriously now, I’m glad not everyone is for everyone… I would way rather be genuinely liked by six people than have pseudo buds galore.

  • Reply
    Lisa @ Twinkle Little Soul
    May 23, 2015 at 10:07 PM

    Oh Pip. I find it so hard to believe that anyone could not like you and your work? I don’t think I really want to meet any of those people! I love your work, always. I’ve definitely had an issue with doing what I think people want/expect me to do and it’s something I’m working on all the time x

  • Reply
    Kelly Exeter
    May 23, 2015 at 10:05 PM

    Thanks so much for writing this Pip. I too am one of those who thinks if someone doesn’t like me then it’s just because they don’t know me well enough! I’ve never been comfortable with the thought that I might not be someone’s cup of tea. But I’ve just returned from a conference and my key takeaway from the whole thing was the line ‘when you stand for something you are simultaneously magnetic and repellent’. I’ve not stopped thinking about it since I heard it and now that’s my goal for the rest of the year – to get comfortable with being repellent!

  • Reply
    Alena
    May 23, 2015 at 8:46 PM

    Wow, Pip. So on point. Thanks for the chat. You reminded me I wrote a song about this a little over a year ago so I dusted it off and wrote a blog post to join in your conversation on this! The chorus goes a bit like this:

    But you can’t be everyone’s cup of tea
    And at some point you gotta stop
    Asking what the hell’s wrong with me
    You gotta accept the very real possibility
    That everything is exactly as it should be
    And it really is a case of you and not me

    You can see the lyrics in full over at: http://msalanka.com/the_bloggings/as_it_should_be/

  • Reply
    Gemma
    May 23, 2015 at 8:33 PM

    It’s so hard isn’t it? I like to think I’m a pretty nice person, but sometimes it’s almost like people think that being nice is suspicious, like it’s a cover for something devious and sinister?! I must confess that being mean seems like hard work, being nice and thinking the best of everyone is just the easier option! I recently lost a friend, and I find myself going around and around in circles, analysing every conversation and wondering what it was that I did wrong, what I said, was I misunderstood?! It’s been such hard work and really, if she doesn’t want to be friends that’s her decision, I just need to keep on doing what I do and trying to always be nice and kind.
    So thanks as always for your wisdom and awsomeness, and I hope you don’t get any more hair in the post, that’s just weird!!xx

  • Reply
    Kate @ One Small Life
    May 23, 2015 at 8:33 PM

    Oh my God! Hair! How creepy.

    I love this post Pip, it made me smile and laugh and is so lovely. But as a serial approval seeker I also think it’s really important. You can’t be truly authentic if you’re always concerned with being on the right side of everyone. I’m 41 and only just working this out. Sigh.

    (I do however love your work, for what it is worth) x

  • Reply
    Zanni
    May 23, 2015 at 8:29 PM

    Thank you Pip for writing this. I really need to print this out and sticky tape it to my forehead! I am an overly sensitive soul but I am addicted to putting myself out there time and time again and trying new things. The thing I fear most in life is not being liked – imagine! I am totally setting myself up to face my biggest fear almost every day of my life. Craziness. But … I am not everyone’s cup of tea either and that’s okay of course! Life would probably be boring if everyone liked everyone and everything they did… I got offended today even seeing a few people I know had left our creative mother’s North Coast networking group… Like Id done something wrong… But maybe it just wasn’t their cup of tea! X

  • Reply
    Isabel
    May 23, 2015 at 7:28 PM

    Good one Pip. I think about this ‘fear of not being liked’ thing a lot. Yes, maybe it’s more a female thing than male, this need for everyone’s approval? I had an experience recently in China, where I needed something from a university staff member and for some reason, they decided that they hated me and wouldn’t give me what I wanted. I couldn’t understand it – wasn’t I nice and smart and kind (like you!)? Why would they hate me? I really wanted them to know that actually, if they got to know me, I was great! But seriously, this was never going to happen, and you have to not take it personally.
    Especially for someone like you, whose work is out there in the public arena, there are going to be detractors and that’s OK. It means you’ve made it, in a way. Funnily enough, I’ve found the hardest part of starting a blog is knowing how much of my personal life to share. My biggest non-fan is my Mum! She says ‘it’s too personal – I just don’t understand it at all’. And that’s OK too – not her cup of tea! You and your work absolutely don’t need to be everyone’s cup of tea. Trying to please everyone is paralysing…who can be bothered?! Luckily so many people find you to be EXACTLY their cup of tea, how amazing!

  • Reply
    Carly Findlay
    May 23, 2015 at 7:26 PM

    Thank you. I needed to read this.
    You are so wise.

  • Reply
    Kate
    May 23, 2015 at 7:23 PM

    God people are weird. The hair thing is way too odd to even try to explain. People can be really nasty when they’re jealous.
    I was always worried about seeing my books in an op shop but it happened and I figured that it was okay because someone didn’t it hate it enough to just throw it away. Handing it on is lovely.
    Also, I think it’s a sign that that part of your life has changed. Shifted into a new form with more words and new wisdom. I have lots of insight on this fact but then again, I am a weirdo, I just won’t send you any of my hair.
    xxx

    • Reply
      Meet Me At Mikes
      May 23, 2015 at 7:26 PM

      I was JUST talking to Cam about that ‘shift’ Kate. The weirdo in me thinks the book sightings are a confirmation. x

      • Reply
        Kate
        May 23, 2015 at 7:41 PM

        Yep. A hippy friend in FNQ talked about it to me today. Also makes us super sensitive. She called it, ‘The craft of living energy.’ Makes sense now I’ve read this post. Craft is energy. The soul needs energy to live and to thrive. Maybe this only makes sense to me? Anyway, I’m saying it’s all good in the hood.

    • Reply
      Merryn
      May 23, 2015 at 8:23 PM

      I love this! Thanks for sharing your story.

  • Reply
    alice
    May 23, 2015 at 7:03 PM

    “Go them”! hahaha you made me laugh. Loved it. Great piece! *Claps*

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